Desperately trying to hold onto the joy despite...

the fact that we learned yesterday that I miscarried again. My doctor couldn't find the heartbeat after about ten minutes of trying. He immediately sent me to get an ultrasound. I knew it was not going to be good news when the technician deliberately moved the screen out of my view. I would have been at ten weeks, but it is not to be. My body doesn't seem to know it yet and I'll just have to wait. The weird thing is that I was just starting to feel a bit queasy this week and that made me feel more confident that things were going well. This is my second miscarriage in five months. God's ways are not my ways and I'm just praying for peace right now.