Thursday, September 10, 2009

Needed: Serenity in September

Wow! a post without pictures! Well, we started school last week and we had a pretty good first day, but it seems that things fell apart by day two. To be honest, I had plans brewing in my mind all Summer for this school year, but they just didn't translate to a well-planned Fall term. My ideas were nebulous and unfocused at best and well, it's my fault. This isn't usually like me. I'm usually pretty excited for Fall and usually, Fall is our best term since Autumn is my favorite season of the year.

I'll admit it. I'm feeling very overwhelmed right now. Sammy has been transitioning out of naps for the last six months or so and the baby isn't really sleeping well either. Now, I have a 5th grader and a pre-schooler and they've been clashing. I'm not very optimistic right now. Until a few days ago, I didn't know that I was experiencing burnout. It took me reading this and this to understand what I was feeling. I think that it is strange that I couldn't identify it myself. I mean, Burnout? It's September for crying out loud! Shouldn't this come in May or June as I'm about to wrap up a school year?? I've realized that Summer isn't three easy breezy months anymore. It's swim lessons, camping and reading programs and staying up later. It's more flexible and definitely fun, but we're still just as busy as any other part of the year. Needless to say, I didn't begin this year feeling refreshed and ready to go. At this point, I'm trying just to be comfortable with our choice of schooling especially as my son gets older. I've never second guessed myself before and frankly, this shocks me. I never thought I'd feel this way--running on empty.

I've allowed my life to get to full. I am just one of those people that wants to do and experience everything. I am an eager learner and I want to discover everything. There are just too many exciting things to learn. In a nutshell, I just want to pass on to my children the love learning and in so doing, I've lost my way a little. Ironic, isn't it? There's always this little echo in the back of my mind to keep it simple, but what is simple, really?? I think I used to know, but somehow simple seems like something that is far far away. I just looked over my never-ending to-do list and I have to make some cuts. It just has to be done. I realized I'm trying to make up for all those years I didn't know how to knit into one year. I have five knitting projects in the works. Knitting has become such a joy to me, but I take on too many projects at the same time. I won't sign into Ravelry until these projects are finished. How 'bout that? There are way too many books on the nightstand. I've started two different reading challenges this year and well, I can't say that I won't sign into my Goodreads page, but you see a pattern here? I think that I'm going to cut this reading challenge. It's not essential. I read plenty-- probably too much. I need a no-reading challenge! Oh, how sad that sounds! It's something I wanted to do, but if I cut out something I wanted to do for the sake of my family, then it's the right thing to do.

It's no wonder that my mind isn't clear and I'm so unfocused. I hate having to make cuts because it makes me feel that I have somehow failed by not accomplishing all that I set out to do. Just because I want to do something doesn't mean that I should, right? There are things that absolutely need to be done like getting the baby on decent nap schedule and transitioning Sam from naps to scheduled quiet time. I need to plan the Autumn menu. It will be a two-week repeating menu until the new year. I don't want to think about what's for dinner anymore. These are, without a doubt, essential to having our days move along in a peaceful fashion.

The root cause?? I've let a lot of my prayer time go replacing it with more unfinished projects which just increases my stress. This burnout is real and tangible and affecting everything in my life right now. How to get back on track without blowing off my entire Fall? How do I get my confidence back about my little home school?

I'll be taking a little blog break for a couple of weeks, but I hope to post something to lighten the mood around here soon.


Jennifer said...

I'm sorry your feeling burn-out. I've talked to so many people who are feeling a bit off right now. Hugs, Jenn

Sarah said...

Hi! I just jumped over from *as cozy as spring*, because you commented that it is snowing where you are, and I just had to find out where it was snowing in September!! =) Anyway, I read your post about burn out, and I can definitely relate. I think a lot of moms can. We want to do so much for our families, and yet we want to keep it simple. It's a real balancing act, isn't it?! Hang in there. It sounds like you've found a few strategies that will help, above all: prayer =) God bless you!