Portraits of the twins

James

Liam

My friend Leah, aspiring photographer, recently accepted the challenge of  photographing the twins. They posed quite the challenge while not posing for her at all. Yet, she captured them in all their cuteness. Thanks, Leah!

Twins in a Canoe

James and Liam in a canoe

Summer Knitting

I just wrote this long post on how I've taken a break from a lot of my hobbies this summer, but I haven't stopped knitting entirely. I knit this cute little summer tunic for Tess. I knit this in a slow leisurely manner and it still didn't take me very long. However, I hate how this turned out in Ty-Dy Cotton. I'm going to re-knit this in solid colors. I also need to take a better picture not using my phone.  The back of this tunic is adorable with crossing i-cord straps. I definitely need better pics here.

This is the picture of Phoebe's Sun Tunic from the book, Phoebe's Birthday. Doesn't it look so much better in solid contrasting colors?? I must re-knit this before Summer is over.

Summer Renewal

As I find myself almost in mid-July already, I've realized just how much I've neglected my blog. It's not because I haven't had anything to say, but actually the quite the contrary. I have too much to say, but I have kept silent realizing that I needed a break from just about everything. If there is a theme to any of my sporadic blog posts this year, it's burn out. I intentionally took a break from many of my favorite hobbies because even though I love my hobbies and passions, I started to feel like these things were making me feel like I had homework all. the. time. Unfinished projects all around me made me feel like I had these deadlines hanging over me. Of course, all these deadlines are self-imposed, but nevertheless, I realized that I needed to feel some freedom my own ambition. I'm a person who likes being busy and my self-imposed break from quilting, gardening, and knitting isn't easy. I see that I take much solace in creating things and the break from such activities is weird for me. I don't like doing nothing and I'm not doing nothing, but it's still weird to cease doing things that have somehow come to define me in some ways. I'm not sure it's entirely peaceful to let go, even temporarily, of enjoyable activities, but it seems that it's required of me this summer. I've been luxuriating in reading more. Reading is a passion that I cannot let go. Reading invigorates me in ways I can't always fathom. I know that I sound vague and distant and entirely too serious, but that's actually because I can't seem to write eloquently about the small things that are stirring my soul this summer.

Despite being very busy this summer, we've slowed down enormously. My days are stretching longer and not just because there is more daylight, but even as I resist a somewhat monotonous day, I know that we need them to recharge. Honestly, this summer feels like I'm getting the rest I need. I can feel myself embracing this rest because I know that come mid-August, I'm going to have be renewed ready or not. My friend Elizabeth has been writing about  renewal on her blog this year and I've learned that I need to devote some time to self-care. I've neglected my health in so many ways depleting myself into oblivion.

  I can I feel a sea change coming. Actually, I've noticed that change is what's in store for me in so many ways- kids, friendships, etc. It's not a bad thing, but change nonetheless. I know that I've resisted this unknown change for a long time, but why? I've been holding onto an old paradigm that hasn't been working for a long time. I've been clinging to things in my life that have depleted and zapped the energy I need for my kids. On the horizon of renewal, I am thinking deeply about making some permanent changes in self-care. I'm not gentle with myself. I demand a lot of myself. I'm harsh on myself. I've longed blamed my crazy life with five children for my exhaustion, but I only recently learned that I've sabotaged myself just as much. As much as I crave and embrace simplicity, I don't always live it.

I may not be out on the beach reading a novel under an umbrella this summer, but I am reveling in the joy that simplicity brings in these brief slower days.

Today, I intend to make Fudge popsicles with Sam. Today, I intend to read late into the night. Today, I intend to enjoy the pockets of silence in my very noisy home. Today, I'm going to be gentle and kind.

Knitting for little girls

I'm not going to lie. Knitting for little girls is so much fun and I especially like knitting for this little girl in particular. This was supposed to be the Sydney Lace Dress, but when I realized that I had almost ten inches left to knit in a 4 row repeat pattern, I decided to shorten it and make it tunic-length. She can wear this with skirts and jeans. I'm actually pleased with the way it turned out. I don't usually get lazy on a pattern, but the more I knit, the more I realized that I'd like this better shorter. I used Cascade Sunseeker yarn. This is a cotton/acrylic blend with subtle sparkles as well.

I haven't been knitting very much lately since I transferred a lot of my energy to finishing those quilts in my previous post. Honestly, I think I had gotten a little burned out on knitting. I know. That doesn't sound like me at all, but I realized it's time for some Summer knitting and I have a handful of things I want to knit for Tess for this Summer. She's looking pretty grown-up these days especially since I swept her long bangs to the side for these pictures. She's 4  1/2 now. She's growing too fast for me to put these cute little girls items off.

Anyway, this is the Sydney Lace Dress from the book Just Like Me Knits.  You can even knit this dress for a doll, but I don't knit for her dolls. At least, Tess has never asked me to knit for one of her dolls and I can admit that I'm relieved that she hasn't.

Needle and ThREAD- It's all about quilts!

I had six quilts that I picked up from the quilter in December. I intended to get the bindings on all six before Christmas, but I managed only one. So, until just the past month, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand having so many unfinished projects and I decided to knock out the bindings no matter how tedious I found the task. You know what? I learned that leaning into this task and focusing on it even when I was getting bored and tired, I was able to just do it and get these quilts done...quickly. Three of these quilts have been gifted. The quilt with the cupcakes on it is for Tess. We've called her our little Cupcake since she was a baby. There's one quilt left and I just might keep it. I've never sewn a quilt for myself.

As for reading, I've been reading a lot lately. I'm reading Because of Winn-Dixie to Sam, my eight year-old son and I'm enjoying every minute of it. This has to be one of my very favorite read-aloud books. I enjoyed reading this book to Luke too. You have to read it in a Southern accent. That's half the fun!

The books are stacking up on my nightstand again. I have way too many books from the library, but I plucked a book from my own shelves and decided that I needed to revisit The Great Gatsby. I'd really like to read it again before I see the new movie.

That's it for now. I'm really having a hard time trying to find time to sit and blog these days. I don't want to give up blogging, but I think it may be time for a blog overhaul, but that's for another day.

A Sense of an Ending

Last Friday night, My husband and I were at a Rockies baseball game. We were there celebrating a birthday  of a friend. Luke was our babysitter. We hadn't been at the game very long when I get a call from Luke. I started to panic. What happened? Did one of the kids knock out a tooth? Did someone fall? Is there blood? Yes. I go there very quickly. Well, none of those things happened. Simply, the twins escaped the cribs. They finally figured out how to get out. I knew this day was coming as they've stayed in their cribs longer than most babies do, but I'd been praying that they stay put even if only for a few more months. When they're in their cribs in their shared bedroom, I can breathe a sigh of relief that they are safe. Unlike my other kids, the twins, little tornadoes, get into everything. Anyway, I knew in that moment, that I could no longer contain them. The very next day, Paul took down the cribs and we moved them to toddler beds. Now, it's a whole new routine. They won't stay in bed. They now know that they are free!  Up until now, They've been excellent sleepers. We're all in transition again...

I wish this was the only transition I'm facing. Recently, Paul and I decided that it's time to send Luke to school. After nine years of homeschooling, we made the difficult decision to enroll Luke in high school come mid-August. It's truly heartbreaking for me as I'd hoped we be able to continue on, but the sad truth is that he's the oldest of our five children by five years. He lives in a house with much younger siblings. I can't stand that he doesn't have a study buddy at home. It just didn't work out that way. The other thing is I liked high school. No. I really loved high school. Part of me doesn't want him to miss out on some of the good rituals of  high school.  I tell Luke that you will get only what you invest into it. I think that he might benefit immensely from the high school experience. On one hand, I'm devastated because letting him go to school also sounds like I was a failure at educating my own child and I know that isn't true. He's smart and well-read and he's thrived at home. But, on the other hand, there's something to be said about acknowledging that it's time for both of us to move on to the next adventure.

 Life with twins has been somewhat chaotic and I hate that I sound so pessimistic about it. The other day I was reading Arwen's blog about  how her identical twins are almost two. So many of the sentiments she shares, I'm feeling right along with her. She wrote, " I am not Mom Enough for two babies. I'm barely Mom Enough for one at a time. It's the truth."  Wow!  That's how I feel every day. She sounds overwhelmed, but there's this hope in her words. 

 I believe my entire family is suffering from our inability to find a good rhythm over the past two years. So, a sense of an ending is where I find myself.

This is total and complete burnout. Lately, when Paul and I talk, it's about how we can't seem to get back on track. I recently read Rebekah Lyons' new book, Freefall to Fly and it's largely about how once she stopped trying to avoid the discomfort, the pain, and the frustrations of life, she found renewal. She leaned in to the hard stuff. I suppose it's time to lean into the chaos, accept the changes, and find a way to set a new course. Is there renewal on the horizon? I hope so.

Yes, it's hard, but in tiniest corners of my mind, I find myself standing on a precipice for the next adventure, hopeful. I will still have three small children at home this fall. I will miss Luke fiercely and I hope we will still get to talk about books together. This chapter may be ending, but let me turn the page and find out what's to come. I bet it's good.