Looking Back, Looking Forward

So, here we are in 2014! I know this will make me sound weird, but I really like even numbers. So, I'm happy to find myself back in an even year. I know. It's a really weird and now you know something quirky about me.

Well, it's time to look back on the year that was. What worked? What didn't? What did I accomplish? What did I learn about myself?

First of all, our Advent got off to a rocky start and it really never got any better. We never really decorated the tree aside from the lights, the star, and some plastic ornaments that the twins couldn't break. Even Luke seemed to understand how sad I was not to bring out the Flower Fairy ornaments this year. December seemed to move at a breakneck speed and like the rest of the 2013, I felt that feeling of barely being able to tread water to keep up. Paul and I realized that we both had health issues in the last quarter of the year and that we should be kinder to ourselves about letting some of our traditions fall to the wayside this year. After I ended up in the ER in September due to a reaction to Percocet for a severe tooth infection, I spent the next few months dealing with the residual pain from a tooth that ended up needing a root canal through an existing crown. Paul finally had his double hernia surgery right before Thanksgiving. Needless to say, neither of us really had the energy this year.

Another thing derailed me emotionally. I moved to Colorado just a little over a year after the Columbine massacre in 2000. I don't live very far from Columbine High School. Sadly, I seem to live in a state that's no stranger to mass shootings. Right before the first anniversary of the Newtown shootings, I started to think about all those parents coming upon another Christmas without their little ones. I just couldn't bear it and I prayed for everyone of those families who'd lost a child on that fateful day in 2012. The day before the Newtown anniversary, though, another shooting occurred here in Colorado at Arapahoe High School. This sent me into a little bit of a tailspin. I can't bear the loss of young life. I just can't. We were at Tess's first Irish dance performance ever on December 21st, when we learned that young Claire Davis had succumbed to her injuries. I started crying while watching all those sparkly bouncy Irish dancers. My heart broke for a girl I never knew and for her family. Is it crazy that I felt so emotional over this? Maybe it's because I have a young child in high school. Don't get me wrong. I don't worry about his physical safety at school, but I guess I can't imagine the agony of losing a child like this. Rest in peace, Claire.

Paul Walker also died this year. He wasn't one of my favorite actors. I saw only a handful of his movies.  I'm not even a fan of The Fast and the Furious franchise. I don't know really anything about him.  So, I'm not sure why his death hit me so hard. Was it seeing someone my age die tragically and without warning? My emotional state has been so fragile in this last quarter of the year for sure. Rest in peace, Paul.

So, the Christmas season felt rushed and crazy and emotional this year, but we did have a very nice Christmas day. We slept in, relaxed, and that was really wonderful. Paul made snowmen pancakes. Those pancakes are becoming one of our family traditions. It was a lovely day.

We took down the tree yesterday on New Year's Day. We used to keep the tree up until the Epiphany, but I just don't want to anymore. I was happy moving into a new year and I want to begin anew and that means putting the Christmas decorations away and clearing the clutter. We'll still celebrate Epiphany without the decorations.

Let's move on to happier things. Okay?

Best of 2013

I went to the movies more this year than I have in a very long time. Paul and I love going to the movies and thanks to having an older child who is babysitting certified, Luke afforded us the opportunity to spend more time together.  Here are some of my favorites this year:

I also read a lot. I read a lot of YA novels this year. I have a best of 2013 post for tomorrow. So, I'll leave books for now.

Things I did and Things I learned:

I continued to knit. I did take a break from knitting, but I still managed to knit two summer shirts for Tess and more hats than I count. I have a crazy goal to knit 50 hats this year. That way, come December I'll have both hats for gifts and hats to sell at the Craft Fair at Sam's school.

I bought both hiking shoes and running shoes this year. I need to move more. It's as simple as that.  I started walking much more and it's life-changing and quite calming. By the way, I bought pink running shoes. I used to love running cross country in high school. That was a long time ago. I'm sure I could love it again. I am sure I will love it again. I mean, I'm not going to go crazy and train for a marathon or anything like that.

I took a break from quilting. I just haven't felt like sewing lately. I have one tartan quilt that's almost ready for the quilter. It's for Paul. Right now, I'm not in the mood for quilting.

Paul and I learned that the kids can stand being in the car for roughly 15 hours! We drove to Virginia last Summer and the kids all did reasonably well for the long two day drive.

I learned that I was CRAZY for thinking that I could easily put 4 kids into one big bedroom! Luke is going to move to the basement bedroom and the twins will move to Luke's current room on the main floor. Sam and Tess will be much happier without the twins in their room. My quest for a guest bedroom was short-lived, but oh well. It's all good. Soon, everyone will be in the right bedroom.

I learned that I've most likely come to the last of my home schooling days at least for now. I spent a lot of time really trying to understand my personality this year. I renewed my interest in Myers-Briggs and learning more about being an introvert. I learned what being introvert means and what it doesn't.I I have come to terms with the fact that I'm really good at home educating only one child at a time. Luke has finished his first semester of his freshman year and Sam is in the third grade. Both are in public school. I am teaching Tess to read, but she will head off to kindergarten next Fall. Does this break my heart a little? Of course! I'm passionately committed to their educations and continuing to read as many books aloud to them as possible. I LOVE reading aloud to my kids. I hope that they will always associate being read to as a form of comfort.

I love learning and education. That hasn't changed one bit. I am much happier understanding that I'm both highly introverted and a highly sensitive person. Sensory overload is quite common here with active and inquisitive twins.There's nothing like truly understanding what makes me tick and what doesn't. Knowing this has made all the difference and most likely will make a huge positive impact on my family going forward.

I learned that I need more help. I hired a housekeeper in the last month of the year. I was extremely reluctant to do so. I had too much pride. I really think I can do everything and I'm limitless, but I can't do everything and frankly, I don't want to. I had to learn to prioritize better and some aspects of housekeeping kept falling to the wayside. I'm sure this will help my outlook in 2014. The whole family will be better organized by simply having help.

I learned that I need way more quiet time than I thought. I seek quiet every day in my loud household. It isn't just a treat to stay up late and read. It's an absolute necessity to restore and recharge.

It's good to set goals. I've already set up my reading challenge on Goodreads. I review every book that I read on Goodreads. So, join me over there too. I also hope to post here at my little blog at least twice a week this year.

I was looking at my sparse posts for last year. I thought I had chosen a word for 2013. I thought it was CALM, but I guess I never wrote that post. My 2013 was anything but calm. Maybe I should choose that word again? CALM. I know I wrote about it somewhere, but I just can't find it. So maybe this year will be the year I finally make the necessary changes to achieve CALM.

                                           Here are my beautiful kids on the last day of 2013. What will I learn about them this year? What adventures will we have together? I'm looking forward to a better year of calm and clarity with these fabulous little (well, mostly little. Luke is 5'8" now).  Can you see the tree without any decorations?

                                               Goodbye, 2013. Hello, 2014!

New Year's Day.  Paul snuggling with James.

                                                HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!

I thought I was Lupin

The other night, while I was at my book club, we were chatting about a fun quiz on Facebook that determines which Hogwarts house in which you will be sorted. The quiz is based upon the NEO-PI Personality Inventory that measures the Big Five personality traits (openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism).  I hoped I'd get sorted into Gryffindor, well, because, Hermione is awesome and Gryffindor is her house. However, the Sorting Hat put me in Hufflepuff and actually, Hufflepuff is the house for me. It's a fun little quiz, but it got me thinking about the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment. I'm something of a MBTI geek since I first took the test in college.

I took a handful of upper division psychology classes while in college and while I never thought I'd major in Psychology, I was fascinated with the subject especially personality. Over the years, I've taken the Myers-Briggs again and again always getting the same result: INFJ. See the above chart? I'm similar to Remus Lupin in personality. (It keeps coming back to Harry Potter.)

Out of all those letters, I most strongly identified with my "I". Introversion is something that seems to drive my whole being. I get introversion. I understand it well.

Well, the other day, while dealing with a grouchy twin who wasn't feeling well, I decided to take the Myers-Briggs again, but I couldn't find the actual test. Apparently, you have to pay for the real test, but there's all kinds of MBTI type tests on the internet. So, I took EIGHT different assessments! While I didn't really expect that every single test would yield the same result of INFJ, I was stunned to find that out of those eight tests, on half of them, I was sorted into the Extroverted category. On one test, Introversion/Extroversion were tied. I have long considered that I'm possibly in a third category: the Ambivert. I found this post a while back on the subject. Perhaps, I'm a good blend of both and introvert and extrovert?

 I don't believe that our personalities can be narrowed down into four letters, but I do think that the Myers Briggs Personality Assesment does help us understand ourselves much better. So, after rekindling my interest in the MBTI, I ordered this book:

These are my results:  INFP, ENFJ, ENFP, ESFJ, E/INFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFP. Did you notice that I didn't turn out an INFJ on any of those eight tests? Is it possible that our letters just aren't static? It seems that our personalities grown and change within a certain framework of letters. It's worth investigating.

Modern Mrs. Darcy is a kindred spirit. She's been writing a lot about personality too. She loves the MBTI, but she introduced me to another book that's now a must read.

Honestly, at first, I thought this title had something to do with ancient codes, conspiracy theories, or maybe a cult, but since I trust Modern Mrs Darcy so much, I knew I was wrong. (It's possible that the word enneagram made me think of the word pentagram which of course makes me think of dark things.) It just sounded weird, but after looking into it, I think this book will help me further down my rabbit hole of personality research. It's fascinating stuff and I always gets excited to learn something new.

Where will the Sorting Hat put you?

My Blah-g

As we enter my favorite season of the year, let me take a moment to reflect on blogging. Where have I been?

Well, sometime mid-Summer I realized that my life was changing in some big ways. Most notably, we decided to send Luke off to high school. I've written about this before. So, I won't spend time on that, but I did spend this summer savoring our last moments of home education. I hoped that I'd accomplished my mission of teaching him the joy of lifelong learning. I hoped he'd always bring a book with him. I hoped that he would find time for all the things he loves since he's away most of the day now.

One of my closest friends commented that my blog, in a few previous posts this year, sounded ominous at best. I had hinted at change and transformation. I didn't mean to be vague, but we had a little upheaval  this summer getting ready to send two boys to school and moving kids to different bedrooms and me getting ready to be home with the littlest ones all day. I acknowledged that I would not really be homeschooling this year with the exception of teaching little Tess to read and some math. I guess I can see that my blog thoroughly moved into the blah-g variety.

If I'm honest, I realized that blogging really started to drop off for me with increased use of Facebook and Instagram. It's easy and quick and well, I reasoned that I didn't have much time to sit and compose all of my thoughts like I used to. For the most part, I stopped reading so many blogs and especially blogs devoted to home education. With the demise of Google Reader, I now read only five blogs with consistency.

We're about a month into the school year and we're starting to feel our way into a Fall rhythm, but I'm still a little bit off-kilter. There's still that feeling that time is controlling me rather than the other way around.

So, here's what happened this summer:
 I didn't knit quite so much (I'll be back to the Yarn Along soon.)
 I read a lot of YA fiction. I'm still reading YA.
 I thought about increasing happiness.
 I went to the movies a lot. I really enjoyed The Way Way Back and The Sapphires.
 I decided I needed way more exercise.
 I bought pink running shoes.
 I bought paint in a nice Barn Red to paint our front door.
 I canned pickles.
 I learned that all five of my kids can handle being in the car for 15 hours. (We drove to Virginia this summer driving two 15 hour days. Yes. We are crazy like that.)


 If you're interested, here are the blogs that inspire me every day:

In the Heart of My Home
Elizabeth is my kindred spirit. She writes about everything. Food. Time Management. Home Education. Reading. Knitting. Home Life. Faith. Jesus. Children. Eerily, often, I will find that I will have thought of something and when I go to read her blog, she will have written something about that very subject. She's my very fellow introvert. I won't give her up.

Modern Mrs Darcy
Anne is also another kindred spirit. She writes about everything. We tend to read a lot of the same books. She writes about happiness, fashion, home education, and well, being the best version of yourself.

Happiness Project
I've read both books on happiness by Gretchen Rubin and she really kicked me into high gear about increasing happiness and teaching me that I really need to know thyself to be really happy. I wrote about it here. I'm learning a lot about myself by reading Gretchen's blog.

As Cozy As Spring
I love Jenn. She makes beautiful things. She thinks deeply. She confesses her shortcomings. She makes me laugh. When I want a dose of cozy, I'll spend a little time at her blog. We both hate the same thing in By the Shores of Silver Lake.

Small Things
Ginny takes beautiful pictures, but she's honest about life outside those pictures. She hosts the Yarn Along. She knits and reads voraciously.

I also spend a fair share of my online time at GoodReads because I really enjoy both reading about books and reading book reviews. My to-read pile never shrinks.

There. Inspirational reading. Every day.

Back to my blog. I'm thinking about revamping my corner of cyberspace. It definitely needs a makeover. I started this blog in 2007 and well, life moves pretty fast and it's time for this space to reflect now. I'll think about that tomorrow. I'm thinking about writing more about what I'm reading and what I'm watching. I'm thinking about photography and diversifying my crafting. I'm thinking about where our family life is going.

Right now, I'm going to go and think about a pumpkin spice latte and enjoying everything Autumn!

Daddy and his little girl

Watching Fireworks on the 4th of July

My little girl just looks so grown up here.  

The Great Room Shuffle Debate

I've planned a super big, possibly overwhelming, and challenging summer undertaking despite my need for hiatus and renewal, but I think that this change might actually facilitate some good transitions for us all.

Here's the thing: I have 5 kids, 3 bedrooms (on 3 different floors) for said 5 kids, and out of those 5 only 1 girl!! I've been thinking that it's time for a room shuffle for a long time. When the twins first arrived, I knew that I would be losing my guest/sewing room. After the twins moved from their co-sleeper in my room to the guest room in the basement, I just let things be. They slept magnificently in their basement room until recently when they decided to climb out of their cribs. Despite frequent after-midnight trips to the basement bedroom (two flights of stairs), Paul and I continued to let things be. We didn't want to disrupt Luke and Sam and their shared bedroom right across the hall from us. They've shared a bedroom since we moved into this house in 2006 and I just didn't want to break that up until now.

After removing everything (and I mean everything) from the twins' basement room for safety, I realized that their room was going to waste. We recently removed the toddler beds because they kept taking the mattresses off and moving the bed frames around the room. Yup. They do things that my other kids would never dreamed of doing.

As Luke gets older, I decided it might be time for him to have his own room in the basement although my heart breaks a little about it since I think this will impact Sam deeply. I suggested to Paul that we move Luke to the basement, move the twins to Tess's room on the main floor, and move Tess upstairs into Luke's old spot. Tess would now become Sam's roommate. It's a massive change. (Didn't I say change was coming?) I'm still not satisfied with this plan either. Sam said he'd rather have the twins in his room than his sister. I kind of agree with this sentiment. (Currently, Sam and Luke have the biggest room.) It can easily fit 3 kids, but frankly, I don't trust the twins and their crazy whims. I can't remove everything from Sam's room to ensure their safety either. Honestly, I don't think that I will be able to make these changes and have them be optimal. I'm just trying to work with my parameters. I realized that Sam and the twins are the same age spread as Sam and Luke. Luke is five years older than Sam and there's been some growing pains among those two for some time now. I guess it'll never be perfect, but as I feel that change is in order, I'll proceed with the plan.

This plan involves a lot of painting,  packing, and moving furniture. It won't be easy, but it's time for some transition in this house. It just might be the thing to kick start some renewal for everyone in this house.

Suggestions and ideas are welcome.

Portraits of the twins

James

Liam

My friend Leah, aspiring photographer, recently accepted the challenge of  photographing the twins. They posed quite the challenge while not posing for her at all. Yet, she captured them in all their cuteness. Thanks, Leah!

Twins in a Canoe

James and Liam in a canoe