Looking Back, Looking Forward

So, here we are in 2014! I know this will make me sound weird, but I really like even numbers. So, I'm happy to find myself back in an even year. I know. It's a really weird and now you know something quirky about me.

Well, it's time to look back on the year that was. What worked? What didn't? What did I accomplish? What did I learn about myself?

First of all, our Advent got off to a rocky start and it really never got any better. We never really decorated the tree aside from the lights, the star, and some plastic ornaments that the twins couldn't break. Even Luke seemed to understand how sad I was not to bring out the Flower Fairy ornaments this year. December seemed to move at a breakneck speed and like the rest of the 2013, I felt that feeling of barely being able to tread water to keep up. Paul and I realized that we both had health issues in the last quarter of the year and that we should be kinder to ourselves about letting some of our traditions fall to the wayside this year. After I ended up in the ER in September due to a reaction to Percocet for a severe tooth infection, I spent the next few months dealing with the residual pain from a tooth that ended up needing a root canal through an existing crown. Paul finally had his double hernia surgery right before Thanksgiving. Needless to say, neither of us really had the energy this year.

Another thing derailed me emotionally. I moved to Colorado just a little over a year after the Columbine massacre in 2000. I don't live very far from Columbine High School. Sadly, I seem to live in a state that's no stranger to mass shootings. Right before the first anniversary of the Newtown shootings, I started to think about all those parents coming upon another Christmas without their little ones. I just couldn't bear it and I prayed for everyone of those families who'd lost a child on that fateful day in 2012. The day before the Newtown anniversary, though, another shooting occurred here in Colorado at Arapahoe High School. This sent me into a little bit of a tailspin. I can't bear the loss of young life. I just can't. We were at Tess's first Irish dance performance ever on December 21st, when we learned that young Claire Davis had succumbed to her injuries. I started crying while watching all those sparkly bouncy Irish dancers. My heart broke for a girl I never knew and for her family. Is it crazy that I felt so emotional over this? Maybe it's because I have a young child in high school. Don't get me wrong. I don't worry about his physical safety at school, but I guess I can't imagine the agony of losing a child like this. Rest in peace, Claire.

Paul Walker also died this year. He wasn't one of my favorite actors. I saw only a handful of his movies.  I'm not even a fan of The Fast and the Furious franchise. I don't know really anything about him.  So, I'm not sure why his death hit me so hard. Was it seeing someone my age die tragically and without warning? My emotional state has been so fragile in this last quarter of the year for sure. Rest in peace, Paul.

So, the Christmas season felt rushed and crazy and emotional this year, but we did have a very nice Christmas day. We slept in, relaxed, and that was really wonderful. Paul made snowmen pancakes. Those pancakes are becoming one of our family traditions. It was a lovely day.

We took down the tree yesterday on New Year's Day. We used to keep the tree up until the Epiphany, but I just don't want to anymore. I was happy moving into a new year and I want to begin anew and that means putting the Christmas decorations away and clearing the clutter. We'll still celebrate Epiphany without the decorations.

Let's move on to happier things. Okay?

Best of 2013

I went to the movies more this year than I have in a very long time. Paul and I love going to the movies and thanks to having an older child who is babysitting certified, Luke afforded us the opportunity to spend more time together.  Here are some of my favorites this year:

I also read a lot. I read a lot of YA novels this year. I have a best of 2013 post for tomorrow. So, I'll leave books for now.

Things I did and Things I learned:

I continued to knit. I did take a break from knitting, but I still managed to knit two summer shirts for Tess and more hats than I count. I have a crazy goal to knit 50 hats this year. That way, come December I'll have both hats for gifts and hats to sell at the Craft Fair at Sam's school.

I bought both hiking shoes and running shoes this year. I need to move more. It's as simple as that.  I started walking much more and it's life-changing and quite calming. By the way, I bought pink running shoes. I used to love running cross country in high school. That was a long time ago. I'm sure I could love it again. I am sure I will love it again. I mean, I'm not going to go crazy and train for a marathon or anything like that.

I took a break from quilting. I just haven't felt like sewing lately. I have one tartan quilt that's almost ready for the quilter. It's for Paul. Right now, I'm not in the mood for quilting.

Paul and I learned that the kids can stand being in the car for roughly 15 hours! We drove to Virginia last Summer and the kids all did reasonably well for the long two day drive.

I learned that I was CRAZY for thinking that I could easily put 4 kids into one big bedroom! Luke is going to move to the basement bedroom and the twins will move to Luke's current room on the main floor. Sam and Tess will be much happier without the twins in their room. My quest for a guest bedroom was short-lived, but oh well. It's all good. Soon, everyone will be in the right bedroom.

I learned that I've most likely come to the last of my home schooling days at least for now. I spent a lot of time really trying to understand my personality this year. I renewed my interest in Myers-Briggs and learning more about being an introvert. I learned what being introvert means and what it doesn't.I I have come to terms with the fact that I'm really good at home educating only one child at a time. Luke has finished his first semester of his freshman year and Sam is in the third grade. Both are in public school. I am teaching Tess to read, but she will head off to kindergarten next Fall. Does this break my heart a little? Of course! I'm passionately committed to their educations and continuing to read as many books aloud to them as possible. I LOVE reading aloud to my kids. I hope that they will always associate being read to as a form of comfort.

I love learning and education. That hasn't changed one bit. I am much happier understanding that I'm both highly introverted and a highly sensitive person. Sensory overload is quite common here with active and inquisitive twins.There's nothing like truly understanding what makes me tick and what doesn't. Knowing this has made all the difference and most likely will make a huge positive impact on my family going forward.

I learned that I need more help. I hired a housekeeper in the last month of the year. I was extremely reluctant to do so. I had too much pride. I really think I can do everything and I'm limitless, but I can't do everything and frankly, I don't want to. I had to learn to prioritize better and some aspects of housekeeping kept falling to the wayside. I'm sure this will help my outlook in 2014. The whole family will be better organized by simply having help.

I learned that I need way more quiet time than I thought. I seek quiet every day in my loud household. It isn't just a treat to stay up late and read. It's an absolute necessity to restore and recharge.

It's good to set goals. I've already set up my reading challenge on Goodreads. I review every book that I read on Goodreads. So, join me over there too. I also hope to post here at my little blog at least twice a week this year.

I was looking at my sparse posts for last year. I thought I had chosen a word for 2013. I thought it was CALM, but I guess I never wrote that post. My 2013 was anything but calm. Maybe I should choose that word again? CALM. I know I wrote about it somewhere, but I just can't find it. So maybe this year will be the year I finally make the necessary changes to achieve CALM.

                                           Here are my beautiful kids on the last day of 2013. What will I learn about them this year? What adventures will we have together? I'm looking forward to a better year of calm and clarity with these fabulous little (well, mostly little. Luke is 5'8" now).  Can you see the tree without any decorations?

                                               Goodbye, 2013. Hello, 2014!

New Year's Day.  Paul snuggling with James.

                                                HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!

Off My Game

I'm off my game. It's no secret that since the twins arrived, I've been way off my game. I can't just blame the twins. Life got bigger and fuller and busier and well, just more. My husband constantly tells me that "this too shall pass". I get a little sad because I don't want it all to pass too quickly. I don't want to wake up and realize that I missed it all hoping it would pass. It's the 5th of December and I haven't done much in the way of getting ready for Advent or Christmas. I'm going to sound like a total Grinch here, but getting all the decorations out feels like just one more thing I have to do. Of course, I don't want to Christmas to feel like a burden, but, right now, it does. 

The other night, I started reading our Christmas books to Tess and Sammy. This ritual is one of my favorite activities of the season. Sammy flipped out because I asked him to read one of the board books to Tess. He just didn't want to and well, it disrupted our book time. In my mind, reading to my children is one of the things that makes for an idyllic childhood. On the very first night we started reading, my ideal scene turned into a classic meltdown. I was more than disappointed. I felt like Advent was already a loss. Yes, you can say it. I'm very all or nothing. I tried to let go of the awful  frustration do something I struggle with. I hoped that our next reading time would be better. I tried not to dwell on the bad.

I've ranted a lot (on Facebook) about my absolute dislike of the 24/7 Christmas music radio stations beginning in early November. Somehow, the Christmas music seems less magical when it gets nearly two full months of constant air play and don't get me started about how depressing some Christmas music is. Yes, Christmas comes earlier and earlier every year.

Life move pretty fast. If you don't stop and take a look around, you could miss it. Ferris Bueller said that. There's wisdom to be found in Ferris Bueller.I expect that Advent will move quickly, but slow down? Seems impossible.

  I think about that quote a lot. So, maybe finding a way to experience deep joy even in the midst of chaos is the path to choose rather than constantly telling myself that this too shall pass.

We celebrate St. Nicholas day in my house and typically, I get each of the kids a new ornament and some chocolate coins. This year, I wanted to knit ornaments, but I didn't. It's not like I haven't been knitting because I have been knitting in every spare second of my days. I just didn't get to the ornaments. I still might try and knit them, but instead I ordered each child a Christmas/Advent/Winter themed book to add to our holiday collection. I discovered that it's really difficult to find the perfect holiday book for a 13 year-old.  I ordered The Best Christmas Pageant Ever for Luke. I remember reading it when I was about his age and enjoying it. It wasn't my first choice. I think I will dig out our copy of Letters From Father Christmas by JRR Tolkien for him as well. 

Before I started writing this post, I knew that it was going to be kind of a downer. It turns out that I'm not alone.  Christmas can be overwhelming and yet, we're supposed to be joyfully and peacefully awaiting the baby in the manger. My good friend Elizabeth has been posting all kinds of good stuff about Advent and Christmas. She's been my inspiration for years and this year, I honed in on something about gift-giving in her recent post.

Gift-giving is a whole other source of stress. I love choosing just the right gift. I spend a lot of time searching for the best gift. I love buying supplies to make just the right gift. Any excuse to buy yarn or fabric, right? I used to go with the three gift rule for each child. Since the Wise Men brought Jesus three gifts, I thought three gifts per kid seemed reasonable. I think many people use this rule of thumb for selecting gifts for their children. I usually give something that they need, something to read, and something that they want. Five children multiplied by three equals brain overload. I can't do it anymore. Our house is small and the things that go here have to be meaningful. Elizabeth mentioned selecting one gift that really speaks to the child. What a burden lifted! Even with three gifts per child, Christmas started to feel like it's all about the gifts. Gifts are great and gifts are fun and gifts can be magical, but gifts aren't everything. 

So, I'm changing some things this year and I hope that these small changes give me some peace and hopefully, the less-is-more approach will make for a more restful, peaceful, and happy Christmas. Hopefully.

I know that this rant isn't organized and well-crafted. I just let the words come and I didn't try to fix them much. 

By the way, here are the books that ordered for the kids. Board books for the twins. Fancy Nancy for Tess.    

Lighthouse Christmas for Sam. I am enchanted with lighthouses and I hope he will like it as much as I think I will. 

Thinking about Advent, Christmas and what I'll knit

It's a cozy winter-ish Saturday afternoon and I'm multi-tasking. I'm rolling a skein of sock yarn into a ball while I type this post and I'm also downloading some books from the library for my son onto the MP3 player. So far, I've downloaded A Christmas Carol, Around the World in 80 Days (both narrated by the very talented Jim Dale) (thanks Jenn) and the audio drama, The Fellowship of the Ring.

We're expecting probably a foot of snow later today. I've made my peace with the snow, well, at least for today. Right now, we have just a dusting of snow. It's perfect knitting weather and that leads me to thinking about Christmas. I have several projects on the needles right now that are Christmas gifts. Suddenly, I realized that it's mid-November already. I truly want to have all my gift shopping done before Advent begins. I want an unhurried and calm Advent and that means getting all the shopping done early. I just don't want to be distracted with shopping during December. This is usually my goal, but I never quite make it, but I truly desire some peace in the Advent and Christmas season and knocking out the shopping is key. I really do enjoy gift-giving, but I don't want it to dominate my thoughts when I should be preparing for Christmas. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Well, I'm mostly done with the shopping and I'm not too worried about the knitting projects because well, knitting isn't shopping. It's usually relaxing. In fact, I find that knitting is the one activity that gives me a real sense of calm. I'm working on a cabled scarf for Paul in Spud&Chloe Sweater yarn in the colorway Rootbeer which I mentioned in an earlier post. I'm also working on some baby and toddler hats hoping to use up some of my small stash. I have to admit that I do get overwhelmed with too much yarn! I have plans to make this for Tess. I know it's a Spring Garden tee, but I bought yarn in a deep garnet color and I thought she could wear it this winter with a long-sleeved white t-shirt underneath. I'm feeling pretty inpsired right now. Currently, quilting projects are on hiatus until the new year. I had plans to make her cupcake quilt and have it ready for Christmas, but it will keep.

Well, back to winding the sock yarn into a ball and possibly baking a pumpkin bundt. I'm going to be busy busy the next couple of weeks! I hope you will all have calm and cozy Decembers as well.

Our Christmas Tree

I bought a new stocking holder this weekend at the grocery store that almost matches our other stocking holders. You'll have to look closely to notice that the Christmas tree hook in the middle is slightly different than the others. I didn't think I'd be able to match it that well. Stephanie is going to use her cool new embroidery sewing machine to make Tess a wonderful homemade stocking. I like knowing that we will get to add a new stocking this year. I'm getting anxious for
the baby to arrive!


On Saturday, a day before my due date, we went into the woods to chop down our Christmas tree. It didn't take much time for Paul to select a beautiful tree. Usually, we traipse through the forest forever trying to decide on a tree, but this year, he didn't want me walking too much (although I'm sure it would have helped getting labor started) or slipping on the snow.


Here's Sammy after the tree was decorated.

I think Luke is getting too big for Paul to lift. It looks like a

struggle to get the star on the top of the tree.

It's the New year

I took down the Christmas tree yesterday. It seemed to be an all-day process, but somehow I managed to get the ornaments put away and the lights stuffed back into their boxes. I know it's still Christmas, but I couldn't take the pine needles all over the floor anymore. I can't eat another cookie either. I'm done with the sweets. I intended to keep the tree up until the Epiphany, but after the new year, I tend to look ahead and start planning again. I find that it's difficult to celebrate Christmas for twelve days. Of course, I did keep the Nativity up as Luke moves the Wise Men a little closer each day.

As I put away ornaments yesterday, Luke commented that Christmas and Advent passed entirely too quickly this year. I agreed, but in general, I think time passes quickly all the time (except when I'm doing laundry). I thought about all my exciting Advent plans and how we accomplished most of them. We're still reading our Christmas picture books and yes, we did end up comparing the art work in many many editions of The Night Before Christmas from Tasha Tudor to Jan Brett to Will Moses To Gennady Spirin and many others. There were so many mediums of art to accompany this poem. From paintings to photographs to pen-and-ink drawings to pop-ups that it was difficult to decide which artist had the best interpretation of the poem. They were all creative. Along the way, Luke almost memorized the entire poem. He's even working on his own artwork to accompany the Clement C. Moore poem.

We're still only about a third of the way through A Christmas Carol, but there's still plenty of time during the twelve days of Christmas to finish this read aloud since it's not that long and we're all familiar with the story. I can tell that I'm already in that mode where I want to move on.

There's also a small stack of Christmas picture books that we haven't gotten to yet and I'm reluctant to turn them in until we've read them. With all of our nightly read alouds, I did end up with some new favorites this year. We loved loved loved Angela and the Baby Jesus by Frank McCourt and Great Joy by Kate DiCamillo and The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey.

Luke and I did make the gingerbread cookies and he actually ate them and enjoyed them. I discovered that they taste much better undecorated. Plain gingerbread men with a tall glass of milk is mighty tasty!

I'm in planning mode. I'm thinking about the books I want to read this year. I'm also thinking about our winter menu. This Potato soup will definitely warm the tummy during the cold months, but I need at least eleven more dinner dishes. So, I will be sitting down with a cup of tea and a stack of my favorite cookbooks this weekend. I plan to read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. I bought it last year as an impulse buy at Costco, but didn't get around to reading it. It's been sitting on my nightstand for most of 2007. (I need to start the new year right and clear off the nightstand, but I know another stack of books will grow again.) I received A Walk with Jane Austen:A Journey into Adventure, Love, and Faith by Lori Smith for Christmas and I'm excited to read about the author's adventures around England as she follows in the footsteps of Jane Austen. I also bought this book before Christmas because as I've stated before, I love cookbooks and a book that will combine simplicity with food is something I want to read! I also have plans to read In this House of Brede hopefully in time for Nutmeg's bookclub. At present, I can't find my own copy. So, I hope that my library has an available copy and soon! Now, I'm still working on learning how to knit from this book. So, I've spent a lot of time reading from Kids Knitting trying to understand how to knit. Now, I know that this list will probably change as I discover new topics that excite me. I'm still working on Beatrix Potter: A Life in Nature. I've had to take a break since I've spent a lot of my reading time reading children's Christmas books. I'm still fascinated by Beatrix Potter as it is clear that she seemed to learn best when she immersed herself in a subject and not when she had lessons. I've also started reading Atonement thinking I might actually go and see this film, but I'm not sure yet what I think of this novel.

Anyway, all my plans are well and good, but that Baby in a manger has led me to start thinking about 2008 and how much I want to incorporate Him even more into my daily life. I'm thinking about how to get back our good rhythm of learning we had for our first term. Our schedule got derailed during Advent (which I totally expected would happen) but now I realize it's getting close to the beginning of our second term.

This is what it's all about

Yesterday, I realized that next week is Christmas! Where has my cozy Advent gone?
We haven't done all the things that I had planned yet. There are still so many inviting Christmas pictures books to read, yummy things to bake and what about the crafts? Well, the beaded snowflakes turned out to be frustrating to all of us. Now, I have a box full of beads and lots of wire left. I still have plans to make 3-D paper snowflakes, but as I'm not naturally crafty, I'm already feeling a little anxiety about this project too. We have been reading some wonderful books this Advent and listening to a lot of the Nutcracker Suite, but I still feel that we've been rushed and it's passed way too quickly.

As you can see, I've spent more than a little time on YouTube and well, Linus just says it all. We watch A Charlie Brown Christmas every year and I believe this humble little classic boils Christmas down to its very essence. I will try to calm down. There's still time to bake the gingerbread cookies (that Luke won't eat) and read more of our stack of books. I noticed that about six of our books are The Night Before Christmas. I still have plans to compare the artwork in each of these editions of the famous Clement C. Moore poem. There's still time to read A Christmas Carol too. There are twelve days of Christmas!

If we don't get to do everything we planned, there's always next year. It's important to remember what Linus says about Christmas. It's the little things that bring us the most joy anyway.

The Feast of Saint Nicholas

The boys woke up to some goodies in their shoes today. My husband gets up so early that he forgot to check his shoes, but he will have a treat when he gets home from work today. We all got some chocolate coins and Christmas ornaments. Luke and Sammy both received wood-carved animal ornaments. Luke received a tiger and Sammy got a squirrel. We then read The Legend of Saint Nicholas by Demi. I'm going to make chocolate chip pancakes today and then we will read The Baker's Dozen: A Saint Nicholas Tale retold by Aaron Shepard. Even though we got some snow overnight, we will brave the cold to attend mass later today. We are enjoying this special Advent day and it brings us one day closer to the birth of Christ.

The Prayer of St. Nicholas

We call upon
Your Mercy, O Lord.
Throught the intercession
of St. Nicholas,
keep us safe amid all dangers
so that we may go forward
without hindrance
on the road to salvation.

Enjoy your day!

The poor cold baby Jesus

Since Thanksgiving, we've been reading picture books from the enormous stack of Christmas and Advent books from the library. On Saturday night, I flipped through the titles and I decided on Angela and the Baby Jesus by Frank McCourt. Now, I have to say that I never thought I'd be laughing so much that I'd have a hard time reading. So many of the picture books we've read already are serious or serious tear-jerkers, but this one, you just can't help but laugh even though it's seems so serious.

This story is about a six year-old girl named Angela. She can't but worry that the baby Jesus is cold in the manger scene in her church, St. Joseph's in Ireland. She's concerned that His mother Mary has no blanket to keep Him warm. So, she waits in the church until it's empty and then decides that she is going to take the baby Jesus home so that she can warm him up. What ensues is an adventure to get the Baby Jesus to Angela's home so that she can ensure that He gets warm and then the ultimate return of the Baby Jesus to His mother back at the church. There's just such a good balance of humor and reverance that makes this story memorable.

The only thing I wish is that I could have read this with an Irish accent!

I know Angela and the Baby Jesus is one that we will read again next year and the year after that! What a new Christmas treasure!

It is worth noting that there are two editions of this book. There is a children's edition illustrated by Raul Colon and an adult edition illustrated by Loren Long. We read the children's edition and I have not seen most of the illustrations for the adult version. I will have to compare both editions for future reading.