Concrete Goals

I spent most of January pondering how I am going to make 2014 better than 2013. I wrote a post about resolutions in January, but it wasn't very concrete and largely, I took all of January to gain some clarity on what I want to accomplish this year. I also spent time thinking about what I'm into right now.

Organization

This is really my area of expertise. It's a crazy gift. I wouldn't characterize myself as having awesome spacial skills when it comes to maps, but when it comes to organizing the home, I'm amazing. Yep. That doesn't sound humble at all and it isn't. If they gave out gold medals for organizing closets and spaces, I'd win every time. Call me. I'll help you with any organizing project.

For some reason, when it comes to organizing, my spacial skills really kick in. My mind can mentally assess, re-arrange, purge, and visualize the final product in a few short minutes.

We began the year in crazy purge mode. I've found that whenever I feel overwhelmed in any capacity, the first thing I want to do is lighten my load of stuff. We have seven people in our house and as much as things are donated and tossed constantly, it never seems to make much difference (at least in my mind). I started reading Clutter Free With Kids on my Kindle recently. Honestly, I've read all the books on living simply and reducing clutter. I know most of the tricks, but sometimes you need to read the advice again because you just get motivated. Once your'e motivated, you'll realize that you'll be happier setting limits with stuff.

Here's the deal: Your kids, despite what they think, are just plain happier with less stuff. A while back, I read the book Simplicity Parenting and that book changed the way I saw how the accumulation of stuff related to parenting.

This week, I spent some time in the bedroom that currently has four children. I put on Mickey Mouse for the Littles (Tess, Liam, and James). I then proceeded to be ruthless in their bedroom. I threw away broken toys. I put things that never really held their interest in a donation box. I made sure not to throw away treasures, but with less stuff around, it's easier for my children to find their treasures.

The thing is that purging is an on-going process. I'm always re-evaluating whether we need to keep something. This process helps me not get too attached to anything.

Staying organized in my small loud home is definitely a concrete goal for 2014. That's really the kicker, isn't it? Keeping things organized once you've done the work. It will be an on-going adventure and hopefully, I will teach my children not to hold onto things too tightly.

Habits

I need to pay attention to everything I do to live well and intentionally. I realized that a nebulous goal can only take you so far.

I added a Habit tracker app to my phone. I don't know why I never considered this before. Modern Mrs Darcy says you get what you measure. That means paying attention. Happiness guru, Gretchen Rubin has had me thinking seriously about how our habits add or detract from our overall happiness.

My doctors have told me avoid gluten for years. So far, I've been obstinate and rebellious. Aside from my general thyroid issues, I have no real difficulties with gluten. So, the whole gluten thing has just made me angry for so many years.

 So, I added the MyChain app to my phone to give up gluten for a month to see if it really makes a difference. Every day that I avoid gluten, I add a link to my chain. The whole goal is to avoid breaking the chain. So, in some ways, it's like a game. I realized that I could not rely on my own will to avoid gluten, but a simple app on my phone has me finally obeying my doctors. Clearly, I needed something outside of myself to comply. I'll have to investigate that further, but that's a subject for another day. I think this app will be useful for other habits I'd like to change as well.


The Return of TV to my home

This isn't really a goal to watch more TV, but I have to say since we've been without TV for about six years, I'm happy to have the return of network TV to my house in 2014. It's just time to re-enter TV land for a while.

When we moved into our home at the end of 2005, we had an antenna that served us well. We got the major networks with a few extras like TLC where I indulged in countless episodes of What Not to Wear. Then, a snow storm knocked that antenna off the house and I deemed it way too dangerous to consider putting it back. We decided that we'd live without TV for a while. We definitely weren't going to pay for Dish or cable.  I'm not anti-TV, but I'm definitely in the category of less screens, more books. We added Netflix streaming and well, we weren't deprived, but when it came to the Oscars, Golden Globes, Olympics, etc., I was constantly asking my best friend to tape things for me and honestly, I hate missing some of these collective cultural events.

I bought a new TV for my husband for his December birthday/Christmas. We added Aereo which lets us have access to the major networks again. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to the Oscars and the Olympics this year.

I'm also watching a show of which I don't usually have interest. I'm watching American Idol. Even if we had TV in the last few years, I'm not sure that I'd have watched, but I'm watching now and it's because of this guy:

I love Harry Connick, Jr. I must have at least twelve of his albums. In fact, one of the first CDs I ever bought was the soundtrack from When Harry Met Sally. He's smart, funny, and well, honest to these aspiring singers. I'm excited about Wednesdays nights and it's a show in which we can include our oldest son. He wasn't very interested in it at first, but I think even he's caught my Harry Connick, Jr. enthusiasm.

Clothing

I want to dress better. I don't think I dress badly, but I definitely dress boring. I've had a uniform of sorts for years. It's jeans, long sleeve (usually deep teal) shirt, and black vest. I've been wearing my Dansko clogs for at least 8 years. I'm not giving up my Danskos, but I do need some sprucing up.

I don't really like clothes shopping and out of desperation, if I need something, I end up at Kohl's or the Eddie Bauer Outlet, and sometimes even Salvation Army. I tend to choose the same styles over and over just in different colors.

I pay incredible attention to color and I choose colors carefully. I even had my colors done a couple of years ago. Yes, I'm a Baroque Winter. My color palette is replete with deep jewel tones. Sapphires, Rubies, Emeralds. The colors are inspiring, but my clothing choices, sadly, are not.

So, this year, I'm going to try StitchFix. This is an online styling service. You mean I don't have to go out and shop? Somebody else will do it for me? Fabulous. Sign me up. I'll keep you posted.

Weekends

Weekends have been largely a time when everyone sleeps in and catches up on sleep and then we get up to catch up on work around the house. This year, I want to have more leisure time with the family. We already work hard around here and work isn't everything. We need family time and more of it. Our time with Luke is dwindling quickly. He's a freshman and his high school years are going to slip by rapidly. I want everyone to have good memories while we're still all together.

Books I can't wait to read

At the heart of setting definable goals is living intentionally. I'm always thinking about how my time is limited. I have to set boundaries and priorities. I stink at this. I think I can do everything. I want to do everything, but just like I want to set limits with our physical stuff, I need to set limits elsewhere and paradoxically, it might mean a fuller life after all?

Survival mode is where I found myself when I brought my twins boys home from the hospital in October of 2010 and sadly where I stayed since. They're three now and I now need to phase survival mode out of our family identity.

There's a theme here, right? It's time to get back to living well for my whole family.

Then there is this:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariellecalderon/books-to-read-before-they-hit-theaters-this-year

I'd like to have a sort-of movie club this year with some of my movie/book loving friends. That means more reading, more books, and more movies too.

It's going to be a full year and I'm ready.

New Year's Goals

Do you make New Year's Resolutions? I always thought that I really didn't, but I always think of the new year as a blank slate, a new beginning. I get more hopeful. I start planning. I get excited. I get over-inspired. I think about new adventures. I dwell in possibility.  The new year always has me wanting all kinds of things. Then, I sort of collapse under all my inspiration. That's just the way it is for me.

 It turns out that I do set a lot of goals and I just don't happen to call them resolutions, but that's really what they are.

(I think that the first goal I set this year was my Goodreads challenge.) Goals sharpen our focus. They keep us on track.  I recently read over at Modern Mrs Darcy that you get what you  measure. Measuring your goals is like watching yourself grow. I expect to grow a lot this year and I expect to thrive.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

So, here we are in 2014! I know this will make me sound weird, but I really like even numbers. So, I'm happy to find myself back in an even year. I know. It's a really weird and now you know something quirky about me.

Well, it's time to look back on the year that was. What worked? What didn't? What did I accomplish? What did I learn about myself?

First of all, our Advent got off to a rocky start and it really never got any better. We never really decorated the tree aside from the lights, the star, and some plastic ornaments that the twins couldn't break. Even Luke seemed to understand how sad I was not to bring out the Flower Fairy ornaments this year. December seemed to move at a breakneck speed and like the rest of the 2013, I felt that feeling of barely being able to tread water to keep up. Paul and I realized that we both had health issues in the last quarter of the year and that we should be kinder to ourselves about letting some of our traditions fall to the wayside this year. After I ended up in the ER in September due to a reaction to Percocet for a severe tooth infection, I spent the next few months dealing with the residual pain from a tooth that ended up needing a root canal through an existing crown. Paul finally had his double hernia surgery right before Thanksgiving. Needless to say, neither of us really had the energy this year.

Another thing derailed me emotionally. I moved to Colorado just a little over a year after the Columbine massacre in 2000. I don't live very far from Columbine High School. Sadly, I seem to live in a state that's no stranger to mass shootings. Right before the first anniversary of the Newtown shootings, I started to think about all those parents coming upon another Christmas without their little ones. I just couldn't bear it and I prayed for everyone of those families who'd lost a child on that fateful day in 2012. The day before the Newtown anniversary, though, another shooting occurred here in Colorado at Arapahoe High School. This sent me into a little bit of a tailspin. I can't bear the loss of young life. I just can't. We were at Tess's first Irish dance performance ever on December 21st, when we learned that young Claire Davis had succumbed to her injuries. I started crying while watching all those sparkly bouncy Irish dancers. My heart broke for a girl I never knew and for her family. Is it crazy that I felt so emotional over this? Maybe it's because I have a young child in high school. Don't get me wrong. I don't worry about his physical safety at school, but I guess I can't imagine the agony of losing a child like this. Rest in peace, Claire.

Paul Walker also died this year. He wasn't one of my favorite actors. I saw only a handful of his movies.  I'm not even a fan of The Fast and the Furious franchise. I don't know really anything about him.  So, I'm not sure why his death hit me so hard. Was it seeing someone my age die tragically and without warning? My emotional state has been so fragile in this last quarter of the year for sure. Rest in peace, Paul.

So, the Christmas season felt rushed and crazy and emotional this year, but we did have a very nice Christmas day. We slept in, relaxed, and that was really wonderful. Paul made snowmen pancakes. Those pancakes are becoming one of our family traditions. It was a lovely day.

We took down the tree yesterday on New Year's Day. We used to keep the tree up until the Epiphany, but I just don't want to anymore. I was happy moving into a new year and I want to begin anew and that means putting the Christmas decorations away and clearing the clutter. We'll still celebrate Epiphany without the decorations.

Let's move on to happier things. Okay?

Best of 2013

I went to the movies more this year than I have in a very long time. Paul and I love going to the movies and thanks to having an older child who is babysitting certified, Luke afforded us the opportunity to spend more time together.  Here are some of my favorites this year:

I also read a lot. I read a lot of YA novels this year. I have a best of 2013 post for tomorrow. So, I'll leave books for now.

Things I did and Things I learned:

I continued to knit. I did take a break from knitting, but I still managed to knit two summer shirts for Tess and more hats than I count. I have a crazy goal to knit 50 hats this year. That way, come December I'll have both hats for gifts and hats to sell at the Craft Fair at Sam's school.

I bought both hiking shoes and running shoes this year. I need to move more. It's as simple as that.  I started walking much more and it's life-changing and quite calming. By the way, I bought pink running shoes. I used to love running cross country in high school. That was a long time ago. I'm sure I could love it again. I am sure I will love it again. I mean, I'm not going to go crazy and train for a marathon or anything like that.

I took a break from quilting. I just haven't felt like sewing lately. I have one tartan quilt that's almost ready for the quilter. It's for Paul. Right now, I'm not in the mood for quilting.

Paul and I learned that the kids can stand being in the car for roughly 15 hours! We drove to Virginia last Summer and the kids all did reasonably well for the long two day drive.

I learned that I was CRAZY for thinking that I could easily put 4 kids into one big bedroom! Luke is going to move to the basement bedroom and the twins will move to Luke's current room on the main floor. Sam and Tess will be much happier without the twins in their room. My quest for a guest bedroom was short-lived, but oh well. It's all good. Soon, everyone will be in the right bedroom.

I learned that I've most likely come to the last of my home schooling days at least for now. I spent a lot of time really trying to understand my personality this year. I renewed my interest in Myers-Briggs and learning more about being an introvert. I learned what being introvert means and what it doesn't.I I have come to terms with the fact that I'm really good at home educating only one child at a time. Luke has finished his first semester of his freshman year and Sam is in the third grade. Both are in public school. I am teaching Tess to read, but she will head off to kindergarten next Fall. Does this break my heart a little? Of course! I'm passionately committed to their educations and continuing to read as many books aloud to them as possible. I LOVE reading aloud to my kids. I hope that they will always associate being read to as a form of comfort.

I love learning and education. That hasn't changed one bit. I am much happier understanding that I'm both highly introverted and a highly sensitive person. Sensory overload is quite common here with active and inquisitive twins.There's nothing like truly understanding what makes me tick and what doesn't. Knowing this has made all the difference and most likely will make a huge positive impact on my family going forward.

I learned that I need more help. I hired a housekeeper in the last month of the year. I was extremely reluctant to do so. I had too much pride. I really think I can do everything and I'm limitless, but I can't do everything and frankly, I don't want to. I had to learn to prioritize better and some aspects of housekeeping kept falling to the wayside. I'm sure this will help my outlook in 2014. The whole family will be better organized by simply having help.

I learned that I need way more quiet time than I thought. I seek quiet every day in my loud household. It isn't just a treat to stay up late and read. It's an absolute necessity to restore and recharge.

It's good to set goals. I've already set up my reading challenge on Goodreads. I review every book that I read on Goodreads. So, join me over there too. I also hope to post here at my little blog at least twice a week this year.

I was looking at my sparse posts for last year. I thought I had chosen a word for 2013. I thought it was CALM, but I guess I never wrote that post. My 2013 was anything but calm. Maybe I should choose that word again? CALM. I know I wrote about it somewhere, but I just can't find it. So maybe this year will be the year I finally make the necessary changes to achieve CALM.

                                           Here are my beautiful kids on the last day of 2013. What will I learn about them this year? What adventures will we have together? I'm looking forward to a better year of calm and clarity with these fabulous little (well, mostly little. Luke is 5'8" now).  Can you see the tree without any decorations?

                                               Goodbye, 2013. Hello, 2014!

New Year's Day.  Paul snuggling with James.

                                                HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!

The year in review

Yesterday, the Christmas tree fell over and in that instant I knew that the holidays were over. We used to leave the tree up until Epiphany, but in recent years, I've wanted to start the new year fresh and that means taking the tree down on New Year's day. Yesterday, I took off most of the ornaments and packed them away. There's still a few left and the lights are still there. I felt like the tree needed to hang in there until New Year's day. When the tree fell over, I started thinking about 2011 and I started thinking about it more when I read this post. 

It's been a hard year. No, it's been more than a hard year. I think this year has stretched me more than any other year in recent memory. I'm not sure how much I grew, but it has been a year of enormous change for me. I looked back at my post at the beginning of 2011 and I had so much hoped  that it would be the year of calm for me.  I think it was anything but. That makes me sad. 2010 was defined by a difficult pregnancy and 2011 was largely the year of adapting to life with the twins. As much as I desperately sought the calm I hoped for, I felt rushed...all the time. I'm still learning and I've learned that I have to let go of some things. I won't be less of a person if I do. That's a hard thing for me. I'm one of those "Carpe Diem" types. I want to learn something new every day. I want to try new things. I'm excited by life. I try to do too much and I'm disappointed when I can't. Here are the things (in no particular order) that filled my life in the past year.

Knitting/Quilting: Looking back on the past year, most of my posts centered around knitting. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me how I had the time to knit with 5 small children to mother, I'd have piles of money (for more yarn of course!). Knitting has been so much more than knitting for me. This won't be the first time that I  mention the calming effects of knitting on my soul. I'll stay up late when the house is quiet and knit contentedly for hours. The joy I get from creating something for a loved one is something I find difficult to convey. The tactile joy of handling beautiful yarns and the rejuvenating effect of the repetitive motion is like being rocked to sleep. Like Elizabeth said in her post, knitting is so much more than knitting. Amidst my sometimes chaotic life, knitting has kept me sane.

I also got back into quilting this year. I've been quilting for several years now, but I had a lot of not-quite-finished quilt toppers that really needed to be completed. Now quilting isn't like knitting for me at all.  It isn't portable and it isn't really super relaxing for me, but it's enormously satisfying. There's something about piecing all that fabric together. Somehow, my brain starts churning with the endless possibilities of beautiful fabric. I've collected a lot of fabric this year and I have plans for it all. I'm giddy over my fabric collection. There's something about quilting that makes my brain work harder, better...something I can't quite describe.

The Twins: I was blessed with the two most adorable boys ever! They are one year-old now and I love these two little faces so much  (a little bit more each day), but mothering twins has not been easy for me. I didn't get to mother them the way I mothered my other babies. For instance, I barely made it to a year nursing them. I wanted them to have what my other babies got and my other babies got more nursing. I just didn't have enough milk for both and I had to supplement. This was difficult for me, but I tried not to feel like a failure. It's been difficult to accept that each mothering experience is going to be different and a little unexpected.

It's hard to cuddle one twin when I always feel like one twin is being left out. I sometimes feel that the twins aren't getting everything the other babies got, but maybe (hopefully) having each other makes it all okay in the end.  I'm still learning how to mother twins. It's not just the twins though. I just want to be a good mom to all five of my children. They stretch me and force me to be unselfish and hopefully, I will be the mom I want to be.

Counting Gifts: This book encouraged me to write down all those gifts I might otherwise overlook. If you look closely and pay attention, there are gifts everywhere. Gratitude. Thankfulness. I stopped and noticed the small things in my crazy life. I know that seeing every small thing  has changed the way I see life forever.  I started recording them here at my blog, but my whole list never materialized. I will do better at capturing those moments here in 2012.

Just the other day, one of the twins was in the Exersaucer  playing with one of Tess's birthday balloons. He was absolutely enchanted with that balloon. It was something I wanted to remember. I stopped in that moment to capture the image, not with a camera, but with my heart. It was one of those small gifts. God's glory is everywhere and I might have walked on by without ever truly noticing how adorable the image of a baby boy and a simple helium balloon.

Anniversaries and Birthdays: This year, I turned 39.  I entered my last year of my 30s. It's been a great decade. In July, Paul and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary.  It's so cliche to say that the time flew by, but it did. How was I once 23 year-old bride now heading into 40? All I can say is that life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and take a look around, you could miss it. (I got that from Ferris Bueller.)

My Word for the new year: Last year's word for the year was Calm. This year, I have two words: Calm and Gentleness. I want to be characterized by gentleness. I know this would go a long way to being the mom, the woman I want to be.

What will 2012 bring? More gifts....Choose to look closely.

 Happy New Year my friends!

My word for the new year

(I started writing this on January 3rd, but I didn't publish it until today, January 18th.)
So we took down the Christmas tree today.  We had intended to do this yesterday, but we chose to nap instead.  In these past few sleep-deprived months, I have to say that it was the best nap ever and I made the right choice to sleep instead of put the Christmas decorations away.  Typically, we'd leave the Christmas tree up a few days after New Year's until Epiphany, but the past couple of years, I've recognized a need to get back to normal a little sooner. There's something comforting about packing away all the holiday decorations.  They're all tucked away for another year. Don't get me wrong.  I love getting the Advent calendar out for the kids and the Fisher Price Nativity play set, but I also love putting these things away too. I did leave out the beautiful red candles we bought this year. They look so cozy on the mantel.  My husband loves candles, but I never really put them out, but I discovered that warm glow this season and well, the candles stay.  With the new year comes a return to normal life.  Again, I'm drawn to simplicity-- everything in its place, winter coziness and slower rhythms.  I'm ready to turn out the Christmas lights and settle into Winter. 

 This time last year, I was so motivated with plans for the new year. Looking back at my blog for January last year, I had so much energy and so much excitement for the new year. Then, we found out we were expecting!  I don't mean to sound like I wasn't excited. I was, but that pregnancy knocked me flat early on and we soon discovered the reason--identical twins!  Although I was excited about the twins, I felt like I was in some type of fog for the remainder of my pregnancy and thus, I just didn't feel like myself during most of 2010. I hardly blogged at all and when I did, I mostly posted pictures. Without much energy, I let so much go (not willingly nor happily), but I'm happy to say that I'm back!  Every day, I feel a little more ready to tackle so many more projects around my house.  Each day, I feel my creative juices flowing again and I'm ready for the new year.

I don't typically make New Year's resolutions, but I start making plans--lots and lots of plans (reading plans, homeschool plans, knitting plans, cooking plans, etc). I'm pondering all that planning going on inside my head and I realize that this new year is the year that I should slow down a bit (not like I did when I was pregnant with Liam and James), but slow down in a different way.

I realize that I need to focus on fewer things not more (even if I can).  I need to de-clutter my brain as well as the space around me. Simplicity. I need to apply this to our daily meals, to homeschooling, to knitting, to housecleaning, to reading...all of it. I set big goals for myself, but I need to relax and calm down.  I don't need to set reading goals. It's not like I'm going to stop reading.  I sometimes wake up feeling like life is a race to get everything done, but it doesn't have to feel like a race against the clock. Does it?  I want to be a gentle calming presence for my family. I want to discover joy in the calm.  So, my  word of the new year is....

Calm.

The New Year

I don't usually make New Year's resolutions, but I do like to begin the new year with a clear slate. I like to purge and clear out unnecessary stuff that I think clutters both my physical space and my mind. Then, I like to set out to challenge myself in some way in the new year. Maybe that is a resolution, but usually I think of resolutions as endeavors of self-torture that are quickly abandoned even before the end of January.

On New Year's day, I took down the the Christmas tree. Normally, we would keep the tree until the feast of the Epiphany, but this year, I needed the decorations packed away a little sooner. I kept the Nativity set up so that the boys could move the Wise Men closer each day until the Twelfth day of Christmas (today). Since we had a chaotic December our Advent was anything but routine. I just wanted to get back on track and that meant leaving the Christmas celebration a little earlier this year. Tess is a just a little over a month old now and we're beginning to settle back into our new "normal" life now. December passed so quickly yet it already seems so long ago that I was pregnant. Isn't that strange? The other night I rubbed my belly and I got a little sad missing my pregnant belly, but then I remembered that I can sleep on my tummy again! Anyway, I've been looking ahead and making plans for 2009. I've been reading Living Simply by Joanne Heim. Now, I've read scores of books on simple living, but I like her gentle approach to living a simple life including celebrating the Sabbath. I think this is an area that I want to explore more in the new year. How do I want to live the Sabbath? I want to create a day of restoration for my family, but it remains to be seen how this will actually play out during the year.

I've been reading many of your blogs out there and I really like this challenge I read about over at Sweetness and Light. It's the 4x10 Challenge where one reads four books in ten different subject areas. My first thought was 40 books? No problem! Then I realized that this might be more challenging considering there are ten different subject areas. I realize that I tend to read a lot about homeschooling, education, contemporary societal issues, simplicity, cooking and the occasional work of fiction, but there are several neglected subject areas. So, I'm looking forward to compiling a list of books. I got a few books for Christmas that I'm excited to read. I received a couple of novels by Elizabeth Goudge that I know I will add to the list. Of course I love to make lists so this will prove to be a fun beginning to a year of reading!
I would also like to continue to challenge myself with knitting. I'm getting closer to completing the Wallaby sweater I started in October. I received a fancy set of circular needles for Christmas and they cannot stay in the box. What to knit next?? I don't know yet, but there are so many delightful things to create! There is so much beauty to create.

"The World is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings." -Robert Louis Stevenson

Okay, I just had to borrow that quote from Alice's blog.

Anyway, I look forward to a new year with exciting new projects, books, drawing with Luke and of course watching my new baby girl grow (but not too fast)! I love the pleasant thoughts of new beginnings! Happy New Year!!