Needle and ThREAD- It's all about quilts!

I had six quilts that I picked up from the quilter in December. I intended to get the bindings on all six before Christmas, but I managed only one. So, until just the past month, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand having so many unfinished projects and I decided to knock out the bindings no matter how tedious I found the task. You know what? I learned that leaning into this task and focusing on it even when I was getting bored and tired, I was able to just do it and get these quilts done...quickly. Three of these quilts have been gifted. The quilt with the cupcakes on it is for Tess. We've called her our little Cupcake since she was a baby. There's one quilt left and I just might keep it. I've never sewn a quilt for myself.

As for reading, I've been reading a lot lately. I'm reading Because of Winn-Dixie to Sam, my eight year-old son and I'm enjoying every minute of it. This has to be one of my very favorite read-aloud books. I enjoyed reading this book to Luke too. You have to read it in a Southern accent. That's half the fun!

The books are stacking up on my nightstand again. I have way too many books from the library, but I plucked a book from my own shelves and decided that I needed to revisit The Great Gatsby. I'd really like to read it again before I see the new movie.

That's it for now. I'm really having a hard time trying to find time to sit and blog these days. I don't want to give up blogging, but I think it may be time for a blog overhaul, but that's for another day.

A Sense of an Ending

Last Friday night, My husband and I were at a Rockies baseball game. We were there celebrating a birthday  of a friend. Luke was our babysitter. We hadn't been at the game very long when I get a call from Luke. I started to panic. What happened? Did one of the kids knock out a tooth? Did someone fall? Is there blood? Yes. I go there very quickly. Well, none of those things happened. Simply, the twins escaped the cribs. They finally figured out how to get out. I knew this day was coming as they've stayed in their cribs longer than most babies do, but I'd been praying that they stay put even if only for a few more months. When they're in their cribs in their shared bedroom, I can breathe a sigh of relief that they are safe. Unlike my other kids, the twins, little tornadoes, get into everything. Anyway, I knew in that moment, that I could no longer contain them. The very next day, Paul took down the cribs and we moved them to toddler beds. Now, it's a whole new routine. They won't stay in bed. They now know that they are free!  Up until now, They've been excellent sleepers. We're all in transition again...

I wish this was the only transition I'm facing. Recently, Paul and I decided that it's time to send Luke to school. After nine years of homeschooling, we made the difficult decision to enroll Luke in high school come mid-August. It's truly heartbreaking for me as I'd hoped we be able to continue on, but the sad truth is that he's the oldest of our five children by five years. He lives in a house with much younger siblings. I can't stand that he doesn't have a study buddy at home. It just didn't work out that way. The other thing is I liked high school. No. I really loved high school. Part of me doesn't want him to miss out on some of the good rituals of  high school.  I tell Luke that you will get only what you invest into it. I think that he might benefit immensely from the high school experience. On one hand, I'm devastated because letting him go to school also sounds like I was a failure at educating my own child and I know that isn't true. He's smart and well-read and he's thrived at home. But, on the other hand, there's something to be said about acknowledging that it's time for both of us to move on to the next adventure.

 Life with twins has been somewhat chaotic and I hate that I sound so pessimistic about it. The other day I was reading Arwen's blog about  how her identical twins are almost two. So many of the sentiments she shares, I'm feeling right along with her. She wrote, " I am not Mom Enough for two babies. I'm barely Mom Enough for one at a time. It's the truth."  Wow!  That's how I feel every day. She sounds overwhelmed, but there's this hope in her words. 

 I believe my entire family is suffering from our inability to find a good rhythm over the past two years. So, a sense of an ending is where I find myself.

This is total and complete burnout. Lately, when Paul and I talk, it's about how we can't seem to get back on track. I recently read Rebekah Lyons' new book, Freefall to Fly and it's largely about how once she stopped trying to avoid the discomfort, the pain, and the frustrations of life, she found renewal. She leaned in to the hard stuff. I suppose it's time to lean into the chaos, accept the changes, and find a way to set a new course. Is there renewal on the horizon? I hope so.

Yes, it's hard, but in tiniest corners of my mind, I find myself standing on a precipice for the next adventure, hopeful. I will still have three small children at home this fall. I will miss Luke fiercely and I hope we will still get to talk about books together. This chapter may be ending, but let me turn the page and find out what's to come. I bet it's good.

Thinking Happy

 I don't know why I can't seem to get a post here on my blog these days. I've been working on this one for days, but each time I log out without publishing. I don't think it has to do with this particular post or anything.

 Anyway, I just finished reading Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin and honestly, I can't stop thinking about it. I read her first book, The Happiness Project a couple of years ago, but largely, I didn't implement much to my life. I know why.  I read this book while deep in the trenches of life with the twins. I wasn't exactly unhappy, but I was/am struggling with to find some sort of balance for our family. I was failing miserably and I didn't think I had time to ponder increasing my happiness. How wrong I was. I continued to be frustrated.

I didn't get the impression that Rubin was unhappy herself, but I believe it took some deep introspection to determine that she could be happier and that her habits could be contributing to what I'll call sub-par happiness. This so-called sub-par happiness is what really got me thinking deeper about happiness and how to achieve it. Happiness is work, but it can/should be happy work. Her journey to happiness, in essence, is a journey of knowing one's self.

Throughout her first book, she identified a set of personal commandments that would be more like principles to live by. Her first commandment is simply: Be Gretchen. The first time I read "Be Gretchen" I suppose I thought it too broad to really mean anything. Be Gretchen? What's that supposed to mean? This is the tricky part. I only really understood it once I read her second book. Be Carmen. Be Carmen? Don't I already know who I am? Yes and no. When I started to think about this, I thought about all the things I think I should like or be interested in, but just am not.  Like skiing. I live in Colorado. I should ski. Everybody loves skiing. I should love skiing. Right? No. I don't have any interest in skiing. Once I let go of the notion that I should like skiing, I was relieved. I am finally being Carmen. In addition to Rubin's 12 Personal Commandments, she also has a list of Eight Splendid Truths and  one of those truths is that "I can build a happy life only on the foundation of my own nature". Why is it so challenging to be ourselves? Understanding who we really are in contrast to who we think we should be is at the crux of the whole thing.

I think a scene in The Runaway Bride illustrates this point very well. Richard Gere goes to the small town to interview all of the jilted grooms. Richard Gere asks each groom how Julia Roberts' character likes her eggs. They all answer the same way. She likes her eggs the same way they do. Richard Gere gets many different answers. Later on in the movie, she tries all the egg dishes- scrambled, poached, etc. to determine exactly how she likes them. It took work for her to determine something as simple figuring how she liked her eggs cooked.

Somewhere along the way of motherhood, I think I started to think, albeit unconsciously, that I didn't matter much. Motherhood involves sacrifice and somehow, I may have intuited that I wasn't nearly as important as my children. I wasn't some martyr or anything like that, I simply forgot to be me. I had to dig deep and get re-acquainted myself. I realized that there was nothing selfish with this idea of "being Carmen".

So, this time around while I ponder happiness, I realized that Gretchen Rubin had a couple of other things that truly made me sit up and pay attention. These things, I might add, were also an education into my own character. Rubin talks about the notion of "spending out". I don't think I have a miserly nature as Rubin thinks of herself, but I definitely saw myself in her description of "saving" things for some better day in the future. It makes no sense. For instance, I used to save all of my "good clothes" and wear all my worn junkie stuff. I couldn't stand the notion of wearing out my good stuff. This didn't just apply to my clothes. It was books. It was dishes. It was everything. I never wanted to crease book spines. In short, I wanted my stuff to stay, nice and perfect. When I was a kid, my sister used to say that my room looked like a museum. Simply, I didn't want to use my good stuff. Of course, by the time I decided that I could wear my "good clothes" they were mostly out of style and I wouldn't wear them anyway. "Spending out" has to do both with using the things we have and enjoying them. Once I relaxed and decided that my books didn't have to stay in pristine condition, I enjoyed my books much more. Once things stopped being off-limits, I started to take pleasure in having things. It's way less work to use them than to save them for some ambiguous day in the future that may not come. In the end, it's just stuff. I realized that this is a weird thing that most people wouldn't even understand, but I realized that this one thing was not contributing to my happiness. So, I started wearing all of my clothes, bending the covers on my books, and in general deciding to use something or give it to someone who would. Rubin has a chapter in The Happiness Project on just this thing. I've discovered those small things that hinder deeper happiness.

These seemingly little things are the big things. Happiness is work, but it should be happy work. Check out Rubin's website, The Happiness Project for more on happiness. There's something for you there. I promise.

Here are Rubin's Splendid Truths. They seem like common sense, but seeing these ideas all together and taken as a whole really gives a clearer picture.

First Splendid Truth

To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

Second Splendid Truth

One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy;
One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

Third Splendid Truth

The days are long, but the years are short. (Click here to see my one-minute movie; of everything I’ve written about happiness, I think this video resonates most with people.)

Fourth Splendid Truth

You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.

[Many argue the opposite case. John Stuart Mill, for example, wrote, “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.” I disagree.]

Fifth Splendid Truth

I can build a happy life only on the foundation of my own nature.

Sixth Splendid Truth

The only person I can change is myself.

Seventh Splendid Truth

Happy people make people happy, but
I can’t make someone be happy, and
No one else can make me happy.

Eighth Splendid Truth

Now is now.

Yarn Along:February's End

~ Two of my favorite things are knitting and reading, and the evidence of this often shows up in my photographs. 

I have long been absent from my blog and here I am making an appearance before February is over. I've been knitting constantly, but haven't shared at Ginny's Yarn Along in weeks. Today, I finally finished the Mini Mochi Fair Isle hat (2nd picture from the top) which was actually a lot of fun, if tedious at times. I've been working on this hat for a few months, but I've set it aside several times to cast on other hats. I really enjoy knitting on small needles and I really enjoy stranded knitting. I've been knitting hats non-stop as I have several hats promised for different friend. Just to get out of the hat rut, I also casted on  a little cardigan sweater for Tess in the midst of all the hat frenzy.


The first hat above is the hat I made for Tess for Valentine's Day.  I actually made this hat twice, but the hat (the picture below) came out too tight, small, and slouchy. I looked at the project notes on several of these hats on Ravelry and made some modifications to my next attempt.

As for reading, there's always a huge stack on the nightstand. Currently, I'm reading a different book to each of my older sons and my book club selection, Out of The Easy by Ruta Sepetys. We read her first novel, Between Shades of Gray (not to be confused with Fifty Shades of Grey! Good grief!) for book club and it was a gripping tale of Lithuania during World War II. The cover of that book is in my third photo above with yet another hat! Shocker!

My final photo is my what I call my yarn shop. Recently, I helped my best friend sort and organize all of her yarn. She asked for help and I'm always ready to help someone purge and organize. I didn't think it would take that long, but nearly four hours later, we unearthed over twenty project bags, missing double points and stitch markers, and organized all her on-the-needles projects in one convenient knitting bag. She decided that she wanted to put her yarn on a shelf so that she could better see what she had. I actually thought this was brilliant. Even thought I'm uber-organized, I still had yarn all over the place. I asked my husband to bring an unused book shelf up into our room and I proceeded to put every unused skein and hank on that shelf. I was shocked that I had so much yarn! It's true. I had to see it all together to really know how much I had. I guess it's stash-only knitting for a long long while!

Head on over to Ginny's for my yarn adventures!

Yarn Along

I've knit several hats over the past few weeks and I've noticed something. I'm getting ridiculously quick at knitting all kinds of hats (cables, eyelets, color work, etc). If someone asks me to knit them a hat, I always oblige. I'm always happy to knit for other people. I haven't added many of these projects to my Ravelry page because my project list would be overflowing with all kinds of hats. Actually, my Ravelry page is already overflowing with hat projects. I like small projects like hats because a hat can pack a lot of challenge into something manageable.

Anyway, I organized my knitting bag again this week. I do that a lot. I am determined to stay focused, but already in the back of my mind, I know that I will lose that new year's resolve and cast on many projects at the same time. I knit like I read. I get a new book and I'm all excited about that book, but then I set it down and start reading something else. As much as I have tried to change this behavior, I realize that it works for me and why I am I fighting it? Will I really feel more disciplined? It also works for me to have many knitting projects going at once just as it works for me to be juggling several different books at once.

I did narrow down my projects list and I have plans for two sweaters for Tess. The Bulle sweater and this cute sweater I stumbled onto last week. I am currently working on the Mini Mochi Fair Isle hat for a friend, of course (which I blogged about in my previous Yarn Along post). The Mini Mochi Fair Isle hat is taking me more time than most hats, but I did set it down so that I could knit six other hats. I also cast on Declan's hat for Sammy. It's full of fun twisty cables and it will look delightful in orange yarn. Sam looks really good in orange.

As for reading: I am reading Pippi Longstocking to Sammy. I really enjoyed Pippi as a child and I think I have finally found a good read aloud for Sam. He's usually a little tougher to please in the read alouds department than Luke was. For book club, I am reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in Night-Time. My book club leader recently watched the movie about Temple Grandin and decided she wanted to read more about the autistic experience. So far, it's an interesting account of how the autistic mind functions. I also finished reading Jesus Land last night. It's a harrowing memoir of growing up in staunch Calvinist home. I just reviewed it on Goodreads. I've got a lot to say about it there. I am currently waiting for my new bible to arrive from Amazon. I ordered the C. S. Lewis Bible and I am excited about reading the bible along with commentary and quotes by C. S. Lewis.

That's it for this week. Hopefully, I will reach the decrease section of the fair isle hat for next week, but who knows? Some other project my get me distracted from this one. For more yarn adventures, please go visit Ginny.

The Year of Learning Dangerously

A while back, I finished The Year of Learning Dangerously:Adventures in Homeschooling by Quinn Cummings.  I reviewed the book on Goodreads, but I thought this book merited some more thought. I haven't mentioned home education on my blog in a very long time. I suppose it's because of a combination of things. The twins might have something to do with it, but honestly, I have grown a little apprehensive as Luke, my oldest child approaches the high school years. How did he get to eighth grade already? He was in second grade when I started this blog in 2007.  I've been on the fence about sending him to the local public high school or continuing on here at home. Both options have their merits. I went to public school and I truly enjoyed my high school years. I already have one foot in home education and the other public education (My son, Sam, 2nd grader attends public school) and they are two entirely different worlds. Luke tells me that he's enjoyed these years learning at home and  I'm saddened that they all went so quickly. Luke asked for another year at home before heading to high school. He wants to complete some more higher level math before going off to high school. It's needless to say that I'm conflicted. Very Conflicted.

I'm more distracted and interrupted these days, but such is life with five children. As I look over my blog over the past year, it seems that I've spent more time thinking about knitting and sewing than anything else. This isn't entirely true. I suppose my silence might suggest this, but on the contrary, however, I haven't lost lost my passion for education. I still gravitate to books about the brain, reading, learning, and education. I'm constantly telling my kids that the good life is life-long learning. I believe in the curious life, but I have learned some things about myself in my home-educating journey.

I'm not a purist to any one educational theory. In my experience, I have gravitated to Charlotte Mason and her approach to education, but as my oldest son gets older, I find it difficult to translate the Charlotte Mason method to an older child. I suppose it shouldn't be hard as we live and breathe good books here. We're constantly at the library. We are steeped in literature here. At one point, early on,  I thought that I would just follow the curriculum outlined in The Well-Trained Mind. I was attracted to the rigor of the classical approach, but I soon learned that I didn't like feeling trapped into any one curriculum. Home educating has given me freedom to pursue so many subjects. Home education feeds my brain too! What can I say? I'm a total nerd. I always have been. My friend, Elizabeth captured my thoughts exactly:

Our academic program has always been literature intensive. It's also delight-driven within limits. That is, my kids get choices about what to study within a certain parameter. Every once in awhile, I look at something known for its rigor (like The Well Trained Mind in its entirety or Tapestry of Grace or Robinson) and I think about how much I want that kind of excellence. I love school. I'm a total library person. I would have taken any one of those curricula as a child and absolutely loved it. But it doesn't suit my household.

I suppose the more I ponder education, good education, I learn that are so many avenues to good learning. See my review of The Year of Learning Dangerously on Goodreads. I have more thinking and pondering to do.

Yarn Along: New Year's Edition

 I have neglected my blog almost all of December. It's been a rough month. I never took into consideration that having Walking Pneumonia would really slow me down. The last time I managed to get a blog post up it was December 5th. If you go and look at my previous post, you can see where I was on this dress on the 5th. I had just started this dress for my friend's daughter. I managed to finish the dress on Christmas Eve. It isn't a difficult dress, but I still I amazed myself by actually getting it done in less than two weeks with all the other demands of the season.

Last night, I sat down to work on my Mini Mochi Fair Isle Hat. I'm not using Mini Mochi yarn, but some fingering yarns from Knit Picks. This isn't the greatest picture, but the lighter color morphs (Knit Picks Chroma Fingering) slowly from light green to darker green and the other color is a very dark green called Midnight Heather. I can't help it, but I'm swayed by exciting color names. I'm making this hat for a friend as I am usually knitting for someone else. I enjoy this easy diamond pattern and I think the end result will be delightful especially when the lighter green gets darker. At the moment, I made a mistake in row 6 of the pattern and I have to un-knit almost a whole round. So, I put my knitting down and decided to blog!

As for reading, I'm currently reading:

How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character. 

It's an interesting look at how it takes more than cognitive ability to succeed. There's much more to the intelligence picture than just smarts. Character matters.

Happy New Year, friends. I'm looking forward to an adventure-filled 2013.