What I'm Into (June 2014 Edition)

It's July 1 already! I definitely get all glass-half-empty about my Summer slipping away. I feel like I've only just settled into Summer and here we are in July already. We've relaxed our schedule considerably. I can tell that the kids are just relaxing into Summer as well. The first week or so, I could tell that they were having a hard time shaking off their school schedules. So, what have I been up to? Honestly, I've been doing a lot of the same things I always do! I've got my usual stack of books on my nightstand. This week, however is different. Both my husband and my oldest son Luke are in Arizona doing Missions work on a reservation. So, I'm on my own with my youngest four and I'm exhausted.

This is the week that we move the kids' rooms again. I've mentioned in several posts that my bedroom arrangement for the kids just didn't work. I couldn't bear shuffling the kids around during the school year despite how awful it was. So, this week, my mom helped me paint and move furniture all over the house. It's now official! The twins have been separated. Tess and James are now roomies and Sam and Liam are roomies. What was I thinking having 4 kids in one bedroom? I've moved Luke to the basement and he's the only one with his own bedroom.

Tess and James's new room. It has a fresh coat of paint. It's Benjamin Moore's Breath of Fresh Air, 2014 Color of the year (just in case you're interested!)

I've been thinking about this post from Modern Mrs Darcy for a while. It was just the post I needed to kick my butt into gear about getting serious about decorating my house and making it home. I've lived in my mountain home since the end of 2005 and even though we've put in some substantial work into this house, it's taken me forever to make the simplest of decorating decisions. Perfectionism is just fear. Perfectionism is just procrastination. Okay, I did have three more children once I moved into my house and of course, I just didn't make the house my priority although it bugged me every. single. day.

Today, I hung a picture on the wall. I know. That doesn't sound huge at all, but if you knew me, you'd know that I agonize over every decorating detail and I second guess my own taste. Today (okay, technically July and not June) I made a quick decision and I decided to just go with it. I put something on the wall and guess what? It's making me happy.

It's from Ikea.

In June, I've tried something new. I wanted to get more exercise and my good friend invited me to join her Zumba class. I learned that Zumba is crazy hard. Most of the ladies I've talked with in the class have told me that it took them about a year to really get it. Yikes! After a month of classes, I'm totally frustrated and yet, I totally refuse to give up! I think this could be fun. I don't think it's fun yet, but it could be and I will get this.

I stand in the back and I refuse to even look at myself in the mirror. I'm pretty sure that I'd be horrified of what I saw, but whatever! I'll keep dancing even if I look like Napoleon Dynamite!

I've got skills!

Reading: I'm still reading This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper.  I totally dropped The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks. It's just dull even for Sparks. I'm reading another YA novel (I'm always reading something YA), The List by Siobhan Vivian. It's not dystopian, but it's still set in the harsh landscape of high school. I don't know how I feel about it yet. I'm having trouble keeping up with the large cast of characters. The List chronicles how eight girls react to being chosen either the prettiest or ugliest in each class. I can tell you that it isn't going to be pretty.

I downloaded the Hoopla app this week. Hoopla partners with your local library to offer movies, music, and audio books. Overdrive makes me crazy. So, It thought I'd try this app and I immediately found a book that sounded interesting. Just yesterday, I listened to nearly three hours of Up at Butternut Lake while working around the house. I didn't even realize that I was working so hard because I was enjoying this book.

I'm not really watching anything right now. I haven't really settled into any shows right now. I'd rather read at night. I did go see The Fault in Our Stars and it was really a great adaptation of the novel.

James on a Summer day

That's it for now. We'll see where July takes me. For now, I'm linking up with Leigh Kramer.

The Great Room Shuffle Debate

I've planned a super big, possibly overwhelming, and challenging summer undertaking despite my need for hiatus and renewal, but I think that this change might actually facilitate some good transitions for us all.

Here's the thing: I have 5 kids, 3 bedrooms (on 3 different floors) for said 5 kids, and out of those 5 only 1 girl!! I've been thinking that it's time for a room shuffle for a long time. When the twins first arrived, I knew that I would be losing my guest/sewing room. After the twins moved from their co-sleeper in my room to the guest room in the basement, I just let things be. They slept magnificently in their basement room until recently when they decided to climb out of their cribs. Despite frequent after-midnight trips to the basement bedroom (two flights of stairs), Paul and I continued to let things be. We didn't want to disrupt Luke and Sam and their shared bedroom right across the hall from us. They've shared a bedroom since we moved into this house in 2006 and I just didn't want to break that up until now.

After removing everything (and I mean everything) from the twins' basement room for safety, I realized that their room was going to waste. We recently removed the toddler beds because they kept taking the mattresses off and moving the bed frames around the room. Yup. They do things that my other kids would never dreamed of doing.

As Luke gets older, I decided it might be time for him to have his own room in the basement although my heart breaks a little about it since I think this will impact Sam deeply. I suggested to Paul that we move Luke to the basement, move the twins to Tess's room on the main floor, and move Tess upstairs into Luke's old spot. Tess would now become Sam's roommate. It's a massive change. (Didn't I say change was coming?) I'm still not satisfied with this plan either. Sam said he'd rather have the twins in his room than his sister. I kind of agree with this sentiment. (Currently, Sam and Luke have the biggest room.) It can easily fit 3 kids, but frankly, I don't trust the twins and their crazy whims. I can't remove everything from Sam's room to ensure their safety either. Honestly, I don't think that I will be able to make these changes and have them be optimal. I'm just trying to work with my parameters. I realized that Sam and the twins are the same age spread as Sam and Luke. Luke is five years older than Sam and there's been some growing pains among those two for some time now. I guess it'll never be perfect, but as I feel that change is in order, I'll proceed with the plan.

This plan involves a lot of painting,  packing, and moving furniture. It won't be easy, but it's time for some transition in this house. It just might be the thing to kick start some renewal for everyone in this house.

Suggestions and ideas are welcome.

A Sense of an Ending

Last Friday night, My husband and I were at a Rockies baseball game. We were there celebrating a birthday  of a friend. Luke was our babysitter. We hadn't been at the game very long when I get a call from Luke. I started to panic. What happened? Did one of the kids knock out a tooth? Did someone fall? Is there blood? Yes. I go there very quickly. Well, none of those things happened. Simply, the twins escaped the cribs. They finally figured out how to get out. I knew this day was coming as they've stayed in their cribs longer than most babies do, but I'd been praying that they stay put even if only for a few more months. When they're in their cribs in their shared bedroom, I can breathe a sigh of relief that they are safe. Unlike my other kids, the twins, little tornadoes, get into everything. Anyway, I knew in that moment, that I could no longer contain them. The very next day, Paul took down the cribs and we moved them to toddler beds. Now, it's a whole new routine. They won't stay in bed. They now know that they are free!  Up until now, They've been excellent sleepers. We're all in transition again...

I wish this was the only transition I'm facing. Recently, Paul and I decided that it's time to send Luke to school. After nine years of homeschooling, we made the difficult decision to enroll Luke in high school come mid-August. It's truly heartbreaking for me as I'd hoped we be able to continue on, but the sad truth is that he's the oldest of our five children by five years. He lives in a house with much younger siblings. I can't stand that he doesn't have a study buddy at home. It just didn't work out that way. The other thing is I liked high school. No. I really loved high school. Part of me doesn't want him to miss out on some of the good rituals of  high school.  I tell Luke that you will get only what you invest into it. I think that he might benefit immensely from the high school experience. On one hand, I'm devastated because letting him go to school also sounds like I was a failure at educating my own child and I know that isn't true. He's smart and well-read and he's thrived at home. But, on the other hand, there's something to be said about acknowledging that it's time for both of us to move on to the next adventure.

 Life with twins has been somewhat chaotic and I hate that I sound so pessimistic about it. The other day I was reading Arwen's blog about  how her identical twins are almost two. So many of the sentiments she shares, I'm feeling right along with her. She wrote, " I am not Mom Enough for two babies. I'm barely Mom Enough for one at a time. It's the truth."  Wow!  That's how I feel every day. She sounds overwhelmed, but there's this hope in her words. 

 I believe my entire family is suffering from our inability to find a good rhythm over the past two years. So, a sense of an ending is where I find myself.

This is total and complete burnout. Lately, when Paul and I talk, it's about how we can't seem to get back on track. I recently read Rebekah Lyons' new book, Freefall to Fly and it's largely about how once she stopped trying to avoid the discomfort, the pain, and the frustrations of life, she found renewal. She leaned in to the hard stuff. I suppose it's time to lean into the chaos, accept the changes, and find a way to set a new course. Is there renewal on the horizon? I hope so.

Yes, it's hard, but in tiniest corners of my mind, I find myself standing on a precipice for the next adventure, hopeful. I will still have three small children at home this fall. I will miss Luke fiercely and I hope we will still get to talk about books together. This chapter may be ending, but let me turn the page and find out what's to come. I bet it's good.

Glimpses of home

 The garden is planted. The Aspens are blooming.  The wild rose bush is green again.
Blessings everywhere!