Thursday, May 14, 2009

I wasn't always like this

I realize that I've posted pictures of my nightstand before and in the same condition as shown here. My nightstand is totally out of control and I decided that I had to do something about it and as I thought about doing something about it, I learned something about myself. I wasn't always like this. I mean, I wasn't messy...ever. I was a total and complete neat freak. People sometimes still joke about me being OCD about neatness and orderliness, but these days I'd have to disagree. I started thinking about how much time I spent in college keeping things orderly and how much energy it sucked away from me. The thing is that I have learned to relax. I always say that I have been mostly cured of my OCD tendencies by having small children, but the real shocker is that I like this more relaxed person more than I liked my crazy neat persona.
There was a time in my life when I wouldn't even open my books all the way so as not to bend the spines, but I finally learned that to fully enjoy a book, one has to bend and squish it and sometimes stuff it into bag and just let it be. It was a lot of hard work trying to keep things in perfect condition, but I didn't enjoy them as much as I do now that I've given myself permission to enjoy something without trying to keep it in "new" condition. Giving myself permission to relax has made all the difference. Does it mean my nightstand should like this? NO! It means I clean it up when it gets messy and I don't try to make it look perfect anymore. I'm quite enjoying my more relaxed outlook.

Here's the reading stack. At one time in my life, it would have bothered me enormously that this pile is huge, crooked and disorganized, but now I realize that this stack will always be there. The only thing that will change will be the titles.. I'm okay with it and that surprises me.

There's more books on the floor and two bags of knitting. Life is messy sometimes, but sometimes it's what makes life exciting. I like having a lot of projects going. It keeps life interesting.

Okay, I managed to straighten things up a bit and consolidate the knitting into one bag, but I just can't reduce the stack of books on or in the nightstand. It does look better, but not perfect and it pleases me that I don't need it to look perfect. Isn't it amazing how we slowly transform ourselves and become people we didn't expect to become even if it's only in small ways?

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