Drinking Diet Sprite alone

I went to see this movie last night and I have to say that Christian movies are getting better. Often, I find faith-based movies to be a little on the cheesy side. I mean, I still watch them, but I always feel that Christian movies feel like they aren't really real movies. Does that even make sense? That's not the case with Moms' Night Out. This movie is quietly adorable without being heavy-handed in the faith department. I mean, it's not too preachy, but I can tell that these film makers walk a fine line between balancing faith while also keeping it mostly light and fun.

 It's reminiscent of both Date Night (2010) and Adventures in Babysitting (1987) but Moms' Night Out suffers from a real lack of originality. Just watch the scene where Allyson almost loses it after the trendy restaurant doesn't have her reservation. I couldn't help but think about a similar scene in Date Night with with Tina Fey and Steve Carell. While the plot is a little forced in spots, Sarah Drew is delightful and I will always have a soft spot for Sean Astin from the Goonies (1985) and oh, yeah, Astin was also in The Lord of the Rings trilogy too!

Allyson, played by the perky and cute Sarah Drew, is a stressed out mom who desperately needs a night out. Her night away quickly goes awry. I've seen the criticism for this movie and I disagree that the underlying message is that things go wrong when moms leave the house. The thing is that things always get a little dicey whenever your main character is an unhappy stay-at-home-mom. Ultimately, Allyson comes to understand that her work is important and vital and that seems to make everything so much better for her. Did she not realize this before? Did she just need a little change of perspective? While I see that this movie honors mothers, it's a little simplistic for me. I mean, I live this life. I am Allyson (minus the cute bouncy red hair and cute clothes). I didn't expect this movie to have all the answers for a woman who chooses to stay home with small children, but then again, this movie is supposed to be light, funny, and even optimistic. Levity is in order here.

I did laugh out loud several times and that's worth a lot to me, but now I just want to watch Date Night again if only to hear stressed-out mom, Claire Foster (played by Tina Fey) lament how she just wants to drink a Diet Sprite alone. I think this is how Allyson feels in Moms' Night Out. 

Phil: You never fantasize about leaving me for another man?
Claire: No, never. No. Never. No, God, if anything, I fantasize sometimes about being alone.
Phil: What does that mean?
Claire: I don’t know. Just, there are times when I’ve just thought about, on my worst day, just, you know, leaving our house and going some place. Like checking into a hotel and just being in a quiet room by myself. Just sitting in a quiet air-conditioned room, sitting down, eating my lunch with no one touching me, drinking a Diet Sprite, by myself.



Ha! That line sounds so sad, but there are days that drinking a Diet Sprite alone sounds so good and I would never drink a Diet Sprite!

Being mommy is demanding and hard and sometimes plain old boring, but I never doubt for a second how important I am to the little people in my life and how worthwhile this choice is. Sometimes, you just need a little adventure to shake things up even if your plans all go wrong.

More thoughts on an empty gas tank

Spring comes in fits and starts here in Colorado, if it really comes at all. It's April 30th an I woke up to a gray sky and snow this morning. I don't know why I'm surprised at all. Well, actually, I know why. Easter was beautiful this year. It was a real Spring day. Most years, Easter is cold, colorless, and often snowing. The trees are vibrant with pale pink blossoms, but the weather if fickle and today, it's Winter-ish and moody. This kind of weather makes me want to ponder burnout a little more. Bear with me.

Anyway, since I posted about Running on Empty and burnout, I've thought more about it this mothering season. There's just one piece that I failed to consider well. Even if I am proactive and do all the things I can to relieve the pressure, it's still going to be hard. I don't think in three years of having my twins I actually believed that. I really thought that if I just got on top of everything, if I just made sure there was quiet time for me, and if I just planned and structured my days really well, everything would be awesome. I didn't want to come to the conclusion that I could do all of those things and maybe, even well, and still discover that mothering twins would still be challenging, overwhelming, and hard. I can't believe it has taken me this long to get to this kind of understanding and it stinks. I know. It does sound so futile and doomed (oh, the drama), but I guess there's a little freedom in knowing that no matter what changes I make, I can make it a little easier, but it will still be soooo hard. I suppose I really thought that I could somehow bypass the reality.

 It is what it is. This too shall pass. Those are things my husband always says to me and even though these sentiments irritate me, there's both truth in accepting reality and truth in knowing that it will pass.

Ok, that's it. I'm officially on burnout hiatus. Come on, Spring!

Running on Empty (Again)

It's that time of year again. We're nearly at the finish line for another school year and I'm losing my will to care. What? You don't want to do your homework? Whatever. 

 I started thinking about Jen Hatmaker's hilarious worst-end-of-school-mom-ever post yesterday. I had to go back and read it, because, well, I'm there with her and I needed to laugh. If you haven't read it, it's worth it. It'll cheer you up as you start to lose steam at the end of the school year.

 It's not even the end of April yet and I'm looking ahead and thinking how I just have to get through May. I always hate the thinking that I have to just "get through" something. "Getting through" something isn't exactly good living, is it?

I'm burned out again. I know I write about this a lot, but being mama to five sure isn't easy. Over this school year, I've been implementing new things hoping some new strategy will leave me without constantly feeling like I'm going to lose it. Believe me, I've googled everything relating to stay-at-home-mom burn out and guess what? There's a whole lot of info about what burnout is, but not a lot of realistic ways to combat it. Or, if they're realistic ways to combat burnout, those methods aren't working for me.

I found this list today while googling around for more health information on how to turn this burnout ship around. This list confirmed I'm headed in the wrong direction. Oh, boy.

• Every day is a bad day. (Well, not every day.)
• Caring about your work or home life seems like a total waste of energy. (Yup.)
• You’re exhausted all the time. (Yup.)
• The majority of your day is spent on tasks you find either mind-numbingly dull or overwhelming. (Yup.)
• You feel like nothing you do makes a difference or is appreciated. (Yup.)

 Okay, not every day is a bad day, but every day feels unnecessarily stressful and difficult. Clearly, I need a mind shift. What if I'm approaching this phase in my life all wrong? All year long, I have been trying to come up with a solution that makes being home with my twin boys and five year-old daughter more manageable, more peaceful, more calm. I've not succeeded. I didn't use to feel this overwhelmed with parenting, but I've boiled it down to constant interruption. My interruptions have interruptions. This makes my day feel unstable from start to finish.

All along, I thought that I needed to carve out more quiet time, more me time. I thought that the quiet was the answer. In those small quiet pockets, I could get back to some of the activities that make me, well me. Sometimes, I've felt that I've gotten lost in the constant needs of small children and I have to  remind myself that this is the hardest work. Raising little people isn't for wimps. This is important work, but that doesn't mean that sometimes, it is just plain boring. Somewhere in all those interruptions and malaise, I lost sight of the importance of what I am doing. Just maybe, I'm thinking about this all wrong?

Yesterday, I stumbled onto this post by Amanda Low. In her article, her husband suggests that she take a day to herself. So, she did and guess what? It didn't feel right at all. Go read the post. It's worth it because even before I read her post myself, I was starting to come up with the same conclusion. One day, during this current school year, my mom offered to watch the three littles for me so I could go out and I guess do errands. As headed out, I thought that the last thing I needed to do was more work. So, I went to a movie. At first, I was all giddy with the possibilities of having about four hours to myself. I really wanted to use the time well, but, in the end, there were too many things I wanted to do and only about four hours of free time. I went to a movie in the middle of a day. At first, it sounded all daring and wild like I was getting away with something. A movie in the middle of the day!!! By myself!!? Wow. 

The thing is that little time away didn't really recharge me like I thought it would. Yeah, I didn't have to do all the routine things I normally do, but this didn't feel completely right to me either. I didn't feel guilty or anything like that, but the whole experience just left me wanting more and more time to myself. That isn't such a bad thing, but I realized that daily peace has to come in my daily schedule as well as when I get time to myself. I can't have this sense of peace only when I'm away fro the overwhelming demands of home because that makes me resentful. I know I need to schedule my alone time in my regular daily life. My introverted nature demands it, but this outing made me want more time away rather than figuring out how to get the respite I need within the context of a busy crazy life. In other words, I don't want to feel like I need to run away to get that quiet alone time.

So, here we are again. It's almost the end of the year. It's Spring. It's starting to get lovely outside. I'm starting not to care if Sam gets all of his homework done. I'm feeling the last bits of Winter recede and a new lightness emerging. I don't have the answer, but I think I've stumbled onto something and if I think it through, could it be a game-changer?

Mother of Five

She Mothered Five!Night after night she watched a little bed,
Night after night she cooled a fevered head,
Day after day she guarded little feet,
Taught little minds the dangers of the street;
Taught little lips to utter simple prayers,
Whispered of strength that some day would be theirs
And tranied them all to use it as they should.
She gave her babies to the nation's good.

She Mothered five!
She gave her beauty- from her cheeks let fade
the roses' blush-to her mother trade.
She saw the wrinkles furrowing  her brow,
Yet smiling said, "My boy grows stronger now."
When pleasures called she turned away and said:
"I dare not leave my babies to be fed
By strangers' hands; besides they are so small,
I must be near to hear them when they call."

She Mothered five!
Night after night they sat about her knee
And heard her tell of what some day would be.
From her they learned that in the world outside
Are cruelty and vice and selfishness and pride;
From her they learned the wrongs they out to shun,
What things to love, what work must still be done.
She led them through the labyrinth of youth
And brought five men and women up to Truth.

She mothered five!
her name be unknown save to the few,
Of her the outside world but little knew;
But somewhere five are treading Virtue's ways,
Serving the world and brightening its days;
Somewhere are five, who, tempted stand upright,
Clinging to honor, keeping her memory bright;
Somewhere this mother toils and is alive
No more as one, but in the breats of five.

-Edgar Guest

Last year, I was leaving my MOPS group and one of the mentor moms stopped me and handed me this poem. It wasn't long after the twins were born and I was in that exhausted phase. She'd printed it out and then used some of those fancy scissors to give the paper some fancy edging. I thanked her and stuffed the poem in my purse. Somehow that poem ended up on the fridge for the next year. Every now and then, I'd stop and read part of the poem. I don't really care about the part about the wrinkles much. I eventually took the poem off the fridge, but I couldn't throw it away. So, I decided to put the poem here and be that mother of five!