Concrete Goals

I spent most of January pondering how I am going to make 2014 better than 2013. I wrote a post about resolutions in January, but it wasn't very concrete and largely, I took all of January to gain some clarity on what I want to accomplish this year. I also spent time thinking about what I'm into right now.

Organization

This is really my area of expertise. It's a crazy gift. I wouldn't characterize myself as having awesome spacial skills when it comes to maps, but when it comes to organizing the home, I'm amazing. Yep. That doesn't sound humble at all and it isn't. If they gave out gold medals for organizing closets and spaces, I'd win every time. Call me. I'll help you with any organizing project.

For some reason, when it comes to organizing, my spacial skills really kick in. My mind can mentally assess, re-arrange, purge, and visualize the final product in a few short minutes.

We began the year in crazy purge mode. I've found that whenever I feel overwhelmed in any capacity, the first thing I want to do is lighten my load of stuff. We have seven people in our house and as much as things are donated and tossed constantly, it never seems to make much difference (at least in my mind). I started reading Clutter Free With Kids on my Kindle recently. Honestly, I've read all the books on living simply and reducing clutter. I know most of the tricks, but sometimes you need to read the advice again because you just get motivated. Once your'e motivated, you'll realize that you'll be happier setting limits with stuff.

Here's the deal: Your kids, despite what they think, are just plain happier with less stuff. A while back, I read the book Simplicity Parenting and that book changed the way I saw how the accumulation of stuff related to parenting.

This week, I spent some time in the bedroom that currently has four children. I put on Mickey Mouse for the Littles (Tess, Liam, and James). I then proceeded to be ruthless in their bedroom. I threw away broken toys. I put things that never really held their interest in a donation box. I made sure not to throw away treasures, but with less stuff around, it's easier for my children to find their treasures.

The thing is that purging is an on-going process. I'm always re-evaluating whether we need to keep something. This process helps me not get too attached to anything.

Staying organized in my small loud home is definitely a concrete goal for 2014. That's really the kicker, isn't it? Keeping things organized once you've done the work. It will be an on-going adventure and hopefully, I will teach my children not to hold onto things too tightly.

Habits

I need to pay attention to everything I do to live well and intentionally. I realized that a nebulous goal can only take you so far.

I added a Habit tracker app to my phone. I don't know why I never considered this before. Modern Mrs Darcy says you get what you measure. That means paying attention. Happiness guru, Gretchen Rubin has had me thinking seriously about how our habits add or detract from our overall happiness.

My doctors have told me avoid gluten for years. So far, I've been obstinate and rebellious. Aside from my general thyroid issues, I have no real difficulties with gluten. So, the whole gluten thing has just made me angry for so many years.

 So, I added the MyChain app to my phone to give up gluten for a month to see if it really makes a difference. Every day that I avoid gluten, I add a link to my chain. The whole goal is to avoid breaking the chain. So, in some ways, it's like a game. I realized that I could not rely on my own will to avoid gluten, but a simple app on my phone has me finally obeying my doctors. Clearly, I needed something outside of myself to comply. I'll have to investigate that further, but that's a subject for another day. I think this app will be useful for other habits I'd like to change as well.


The Return of TV to my home

This isn't really a goal to watch more TV, but I have to say since we've been without TV for about six years, I'm happy to have the return of network TV to my house in 2014. It's just time to re-enter TV land for a while.

When we moved into our home at the end of 2005, we had an antenna that served us well. We got the major networks with a few extras like TLC where I indulged in countless episodes of What Not to Wear. Then, a snow storm knocked that antenna off the house and I deemed it way too dangerous to consider putting it back. We decided that we'd live without TV for a while. We definitely weren't going to pay for Dish or cable.  I'm not anti-TV, but I'm definitely in the category of less screens, more books. We added Netflix streaming and well, we weren't deprived, but when it came to the Oscars, Golden Globes, Olympics, etc., I was constantly asking my best friend to tape things for me and honestly, I hate missing some of these collective cultural events.

I bought a new TV for my husband for his December birthday/Christmas. We added Aereo which lets us have access to the major networks again. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to the Oscars and the Olympics this year.

I'm also watching a show of which I don't usually have interest. I'm watching American Idol. Even if we had TV in the last few years, I'm not sure that I'd have watched, but I'm watching now and it's because of this guy:

I love Harry Connick, Jr. I must have at least twelve of his albums. In fact, one of the first CDs I ever bought was the soundtrack from When Harry Met Sally. He's smart, funny, and well, honest to these aspiring singers. I'm excited about Wednesdays nights and it's a show in which we can include our oldest son. He wasn't very interested in it at first, but I think even he's caught my Harry Connick, Jr. enthusiasm.

Clothing

I want to dress better. I don't think I dress badly, but I definitely dress boring. I've had a uniform of sorts for years. It's jeans, long sleeve (usually deep teal) shirt, and black vest. I've been wearing my Dansko clogs for at least 8 years. I'm not giving up my Danskos, but I do need some sprucing up.

I don't really like clothes shopping and out of desperation, if I need something, I end up at Kohl's or the Eddie Bauer Outlet, and sometimes even Salvation Army. I tend to choose the same styles over and over just in different colors.

I pay incredible attention to color and I choose colors carefully. I even had my colors done a couple of years ago. Yes, I'm a Baroque Winter. My color palette is replete with deep jewel tones. Sapphires, Rubies, Emeralds. The colors are inspiring, but my clothing choices, sadly, are not.

So, this year, I'm going to try StitchFix. This is an online styling service. You mean I don't have to go out and shop? Somebody else will do it for me? Fabulous. Sign me up. I'll keep you posted.

Weekends

Weekends have been largely a time when everyone sleeps in and catches up on sleep and then we get up to catch up on work around the house. This year, I want to have more leisure time with the family. We already work hard around here and work isn't everything. We need family time and more of it. Our time with Luke is dwindling quickly. He's a freshman and his high school years are going to slip by rapidly. I want everyone to have good memories while we're still all together.

Books I can't wait to read

At the heart of setting definable goals is living intentionally. I'm always thinking about how my time is limited. I have to set boundaries and priorities. I stink at this. I think I can do everything. I want to do everything, but just like I want to set limits with our physical stuff, I need to set limits elsewhere and paradoxically, it might mean a fuller life after all?

Survival mode is where I found myself when I brought my twins boys home from the hospital in October of 2010 and sadly where I stayed since. They're three now and I now need to phase survival mode out of our family identity.

There's a theme here, right? It's time to get back to living well for my whole family.

Then there is this:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariellecalderon/books-to-read-before-they-hit-theaters-this-year

I'd like to have a sort-of movie club this year with some of my movie/book loving friends. That means more reading, more books, and more movies too.

It's going to be a full year and I'm ready.

Less is always more

I have to admit that I'm really tired this week. I've been trying to go to bed earlier, but it really hasn't translated into more rest. In fact, I feel more exhausted than usual. Maybe I'm getting too much sleep, but that can't be it. I'm still getting up a couple of times nightly to nurse Tess.

Anyway, I've been working on the house the week- doing those jobs that I've put off for months and months like finally tackling all the paper piles around the house. I'm determined to organize and to purge everything that I haven't managed to find a home. It's a constant theme here that I fully believe that less is more. For instance, I decided that I'm selling my set of parfait glasses. I haven't used them in five years! Now, I know that I will find the yummiest parfait recipe as soon as they're sold, but oh, well. I am a minimalist at heart and I don't think that I'll miss them that badly. Right now, I'm reading Simplicity Parenting and I'm on the chapter that focuses on the impact of your child's environment. It's intuitive for me that cluttered spaces leave children feeling overwhelmed and anxious and frankly this isn't new information for me. I've read it all before. This chapter talks about toy overload. I got the boys together this week and we started going through their stuff looking for things that we might donate while organizing their room. I can see that they are visibly relieved when we organize their room and purge a few things. It's easier for the boys to focus on the things they actually do want to play with when there are fewer things to play with and they can easily find those things. They don't have to go searching through jumbled toychests looking for missing pieces.

I've written about this before, but it's worth repeating. It's so easy for things to mutliply in your house without you even noticing sometimes. Today, I just went ahead and chucked a few things. Normally, I just hate the idea of things going into land-fill, but I know Goodwill doesn't really want a box of old toys. They probably have more old broken toys than they know what to do with. So, I just threw them away and I felt relieved. They weren't anything special--just things picked up at garage sales over the last year or so.

It's not just the toys though and this is where Simplicity Parenting got my attention again.

It's the books! Not only are unloved toys the target. So are the books. I say this hesitatingly, but it's true. There is such thing as book overload.

Books offer such delight and satisfaction to children, conjuring magical worlds and bringing the wonder of our own right into their hands. How could it be possible to have "too many" of such good things?

-Simplicity Parenting

The same principle that applies to the toys also applies to the books. I have learned over the years that as much as I love books, I don't need to own everything. Over the past five years, I have relied heavily on my library and sometimes I'm much happier know that I have to return the book than having to find space on my bookshelves. Of course, I still buy books and probably too many of them, but I'm much choosier than I use to be.

I've noticed that my 4 year-old prefers reading the sam few books over and over. He has a special relationship with his favorites and many books just sit there. We want our children to have a connections with good stories and those favorites deserve a permanent place on on their shelves. Simplifying our children's environment is our goal and the same principle goes for both toys and books.

We honor the value of something (like reading) in our child's life by fostering a deep - not disposable - relationship to it.

-Simplicity Parenting

So, as we enter 2010, I'm going to be even more focused and determined to make even better purchasing decisions on everything. I always remind my boys that purchasing things has consequences. Where are we going to put those things? Will it hold your attention very long? Things are just that. Things. I plan for us to make better connections to our books and our crafts this year. I don't want them to just "consume" books, but to read and to make meaningful connections with those carefully chosen books. A simple environment clears the way for true connection.

Could I go a year without buying a new book?? Hmmmm....

Money and space-saving tip

Most people who know me know that I'm a somewhat of a minimalist. I just don't like lots of stuff all around, but I tolerate it better now than before I had children. Anyway, I've been talking to my friend Jen who is in the middle of a huge purge at her home. It is often a huge relief to let go of the burden of things around our homes. So, it got me thinking about one of my favorite tips for saving money and space and ultimately having less clutter.

In my bedroom closet, I have a set number of hangers. I never buy hangers. If I buy something new, it's simple. Something else has to go and quickly. There's a set number of hangers. I have something like twenty hangers and I don't use them all! I've found that there is always something that can go. This way, although my wardrobe changes, the size of my wardrobe doesn't. I use this technique with my boys and will with my daughter (once we get her room finished).

Also, when I go shopping and I'm tempted to buy some article of clothing for either myself or my family, I usually think that this will just become more laundry for me- something to be washed, possibly ironed and then put away. Usually, that's enough for me to put the item back on the rack and walk quickly away. Suddenly, the item is just not that cute anymore. Now, of course I'm not opposed to buying clothes, but it makes me think harder when I do. Will this item be used often? Do my boys need it? Are two pairs of jeans for each boy an acceptable number? How many dresses does Tess need in size 6 months? Will she get to wear more than three dresses in that size before she outgrows them? Even with a manageable size wardrobe, laundry can be overwhelming. So, I set serious limits and I stick by them. I hope this helps.

I wasn't always like this

I realize that I've posted pictures of my nightstand before and in the same condition as shown here. My nightstand is totally out of control and I decided that I had to do something about it and as I thought about doing something about it, I learned something about myself. I wasn't always like this. I mean, I wasn't messy...ever. I was a total and complete neat freak. People sometimes still joke about me being OCD about neatness and orderliness, but these days I'd have to disagree. I started thinking about how much time I spent in college keeping things orderly and how much energy it sucked away from me. The thing is that I have learned to relax. I always say that I have been mostly cured of my OCD tendencies by having small children, but the real shocker is that I like this more relaxed person more than I liked my crazy neat persona.
There was a time in my life when I wouldn't even open my books all the way so as not to bend the spines, but I finally learned that to fully enjoy a book, one has to bend and squish it and sometimes stuff it into bag and just let it be. It was a lot of hard work trying to keep things in perfect condition, but I didn't enjoy them as much as I do now that I've given myself permission to enjoy something without trying to keep it in "new" condition. Giving myself permission to relax has made all the difference. Does it mean my nightstand should like this? NO! It means I clean it up when it gets messy and I don't try to make it look perfect anymore. I'm quite enjoying my more relaxed outlook.


Here's the reading stack. At one time in my life, it would have bothered me enormously that this pile is huge, crooked and disorganized, but now I realize that this stack will always be there. The only thing that will change will be the titles.. I'm okay with it and that surprises me.

There's more books on the floor and two bags of knitting. Life is messy sometimes, but sometimes it's what makes life exciting. I like having a lot of projects going. It keeps life interesting.

Okay, I managed to straighten things up a bit and consolidate the knitting into one bag, but I just can't reduce the stack of books on or in the nightstand. It does look better, but not perfect and it pleases me that I don't need it to look perfect. Isn't it amazing how we slowly transform ourselves and become people we didn't expect to become even if it's only in small ways?

In my attempt to get organized for the new year...

Here's my new and improved nightstand!